In case no one’s said it yet: Love is not always fun. It is meant to be, and it can be. I mean we all want it so much because we expect it to be, but in our imperfect world with imperfect people, we all know the risk we run when we fall in love with someone. At the end of the day there’s only two possible outcomes for your relationship- you break up, or you get married.
The fear of the first, of the risk of hurt that we run, is exactly how relationships have become so out of whack today, but that’s a topic for another day. I’m not trying to talk about all of the things we should do to fix the way we love, in my opinion Jesus is the only one with all the right answers for that so if you want to ponder on that thought I highly recommend opening up his book. Instead, I want to talk about the break-up and something we do wrong after it happens.
It doesn’t matter what happened in your relationship. It doesn’t matter if you dated someone who could not have been more wrong for you. No matter what the situation was, you don’t have to look at that person as a mistake.
Did you both make a lot mistakes? Probably so. But just because someone isn’t the one doesn’t mean that whole relationship was a waste.
Think about it, there’s only meant to be one one- that’s why we call it “the one”- and the way we decide who that one is is by dating and evaluating what life is like in that relationship and if we could spend forever growing personally and spiritually with a specific person. If you find that person, the one, on your first date, huge congratulations. I will admit I envy you, but for the rest of us who didn’t go out and do that, it’s still okay.
It’s okay to get it wrong in the dating game. It’s not a test you’re expected to score 100 on. It’s not a test at all. It’s a relationship, and even if the two of you got it wrong, you learned and now know how to better move on.
You learned what not to do. You learned what you want and expect out of a relationship. You learned what you enjoy doing with someone else, and what you don’t. You learned how you want to be talked to. You learned more about what’s important to you and what’s important to you in a partner. You learned what more about who you are and what you’re looking for, and that’s important- that’s the entire point of dating before marriage.
So, I'm sorry that it didn't work out, and I'm sorry for whatever happened, but stop calling your ex a mistake. You loved them once, and there was a reason for that, so your time spent with them was not all for nothing. If you still love them, I'm sorry. I know that's painful too, but it's still time to stop dwelling.
Stop dwelling on that heartbreak and acting like because you thought you’d marry that person and you ended up being wrong now your whole life and love-life is doomed forever. It’s not. It’s okay to get it wrong. In a lot of ways, it can actually be a good thing, but only if you let it be.
It's okay to get it wrong in dating, as long as you learn from it and use it in your journey to finding the one that's right, the one that makes it all right, your Mr/Mrs. Right.
