Here I am, in a room full of people and yet alone with my thoughts. Always alone with my thoughts. Because no one else can ever be in my head with me...
Each day I think about how much I don't know, how much I will never know, how much I want to accomplish, how feasible these things are.
I become overwhelmed with the plethora of things on my mind. I want to do all and see all. I want to uphold the impossible standards that I set for myself. I want to set an example for others and prove to the naysayers that life IS good.
We all falter in our beliefs sometimes but I like to think that we get by okay... that I get by okay. I like to think that I maintain a positive outlook about 60 percent of the time. I like to think that each day I get more successful in maintaining a positive outlook.
I have days where I am a pit of negativity. I'm sure everyone does. On those days it's seemingly impossible to believe in yourself. Which sucks because those days are the days when you need to believe in yourself the most. Those are the days when you have to be your own best friend. Your own number one fan. Relying on someone else to be your motivator is silly, because they're already struggling trying to get their self in gear.
I'm starting to get there.
After almost 20 years of existence, I'm finally starting to figure myself out. Too many times people have said that I'm confusing, mysterious or vague. And honestly, I've been confused and unsure so it makes sense that I come off that way.
Recently, I've accepted the idea that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, or where I am...I'm going to be fine. I'm going to make the best out of the situation and hopefully shed new light for others who may need it.
I'm also, begrudgingly, trying to accept the idea that my health should be first. I know that if I don't get enough sleep, I will not be able to function. I know that if I don't work out a minimum of 20 minutes each day, I'm going to be overly tired. I know that if I am not eating substantial and healthy meals, I'm going to burn out. (While I've accepted that I'll probably be tired for (at least) the rest of my college career, these things are still very important.)
Acknowledging and making an effort to take care of myself is honestly the nicest gift I could ever give to myself. Not only, do I feel better, but I'm also so proud of who I am becoming.
Lately, everything seems much more attainable. It is so very important that you love yourself. Don't worry, start small. Focus on the little bitty things and each day you'll find another thing you enjoy about yourself. Know your worth because you are oh so worthwhile.
