I have kept a journal since my freshman year of high school. As a 21-year-old college senior, this means I have accumulated many many pages of heartbreak, of stress and frustration and overwhelming sadness, pouring my worries into those lined pages that still have wrinkled spots from tears, both of sadness and joy. There are endless realizations that I have made in those times when I felt so overwhelmed that I had to put my thoughts down on paper to keep them from racing around in my head. And one that I wrote five years ago is sticking with me today. I wrote:
“Why is it that I only have time for the things that are preparing me for a happy life, and the time I need for being happy now slips through the cracks?”
What an insightful 16-year-old I was. Studying for SATs, sitting through painfully long high school classes, staying up late working on college applications, I felt overwhelmed by the long list of to-do's that were supposed to lead me to happiness, to a successful and fulfilled life. And in my last year of college, I am finding that this struggle never goes away. The to-do list doesn’t get shorter. We have to learn, as adults, to always find time to be kind and gentle with ourselves, to set aside responsibilities for a moment and do one small thing for ourselves, each and every day.
Rarely is there a day in my busy college life that I don’t feel like I am drowning in responsibilities, constantly swimming upward but never quite making it up to the surface to breathe for even a second. School, internships, grad school applications, leadership positions in clubs and activities…all these things are leading us to a happy life; they are what is necessary to achieve the goals we set for ourselves. But we have to remember to treat ourselves with kindness and cultivate our happiness each and every day.
Whenever I feel overwhelmed by this stress, I stop for a moment, breathe in, and ask myself, “What do I need right now? What am I feeling, and how can I be gentle with myself and give myself what I need?” Sometimes, it is as simple as five minutes listening to my favorite song, treating myself to my favorite meal, letting out a good cry, calling an old friend, or writing in my journal. Whatever I need in that moment when the stress is dragging me back under, all it takes is a moment of kindness to myself to help me breathe again. And once I give myself what I need, checking off that to-do list becomes so much easier.
We will always be planning for the future. It is the nature of our generation to push ourselves to be greater, to take on endless responsibility with the goal of building the lives we want. But in this crazy fast paced life we live, we have to learn to stop for a moment. Breathe in and out and give ourselves what we need.
