When I sat down to talk with one of my friends from church one day, we got to talking about what most brothers in Christ usually talk about: spiritual growth. It had been awhile since i had seen him, so there was a lot of catching up to do. He shared with me what he had been going through and how much God had used those instances to strengthen him, and I shared with him more of the same. As we sat there I couldn't help but say, "It's honestly so amazing to think God has led me to where i am as a middle school leader. I never thought I'd be sitting here doing this as a college student." I shared with him a lot of the internal struggles I had dealt with for so many years that has led me to this point, and God (of course) saw me through it all. He then said something in reply, though, that was profound in so many ways: "Doesn't it just make the the struggle worth it?" Putting it that way, it really had me reflecting.

By no stretch of means has my life been a struggle from the outside; its been a life filled with such joy. I've been blessed with two parents, three grandparents, and many aunts and uncles that love both my sister and I to death, and that have been role models for me since i came into the world. They've given us everything we could ever want. I can't say life has ever been hard for me, or circumstances in these respects have been difficult. It's from the inside, however, that really held me down.

This article isn't supposed to be about my testimony by any stretch of means: its meant to be about resiliency. The only trouble is, it's hard to talk about resiliency without mentioning the beautiful things the Lord has built inside of me. All glory to him, right? Absolutely! But the road to finding this was hard. Growing up in a Christian home, it's understandable why I was taught to love Jesus and the things he had done for me. I'd go to church every weekend and learn about the real blessings Gods provided and how he sent his son to make the ultimate sacrifice for our sins. It was a great way to introduce the theory of God, but I hadn't really felt Him yet.

I had always known he was watching over me, and he was there to comfort me in times of trial. This was apparent when my newborn sister was on the brink of death as a newborn, and all I could think about as a five-year-old child was, "Am I going to end up being the big brother I was hoping to be? Was she going to survive?" I'll never forget when the the fireman came into our house rushing her right back to the hospital we had just taken her home from. Gut punch number one: Being away from my parents for a month as I wondered when my sister would ever wake up. l had always known He was with me when I woke up to my mom screaming over my dad's passed out body. By the grace of God he woke up, but he still had to be taken in a stretcher to the hospital.

Gut punch number two: Witnessing another scary event like this at a young age. I had always known he was with me when my mom was diagnosed with Lupus - an autoimmune disease she still struggles with today. It isn't easy to here any sort of diagnosis like this, and its hard to this day to watch her in pain.

Gut punch number three: Seeing someone in my family with, once again, deal with some sort of medical issue. But the beauty in all of it was God had seen my sister, my dad, and is seeing my mother through it all. He was and still is with me, just like he promised.

Believe it or not, the medical concerns I had for the people around me disappeared once I began to see the Lord's guiding hand upon us. It's definitely still a concern, but nothing that can't be fixed with a simple prayer of peace. The gut punches that stood out the most were issues that happened many years ago, and in particular, elementary school and middle school.

I was always the really nice kid on the playground with the high voice that wanted to be everyones friend. Some people enjoyed hanging out because of this, and others couldn't stand me for some reason. Many picked on me, and sometimes, even got in physical altercations. That stung, especially because I didn't really do anything wrong..

Many kids struggle through middle school because its a true season of change. Some are able to deal with it better than others, but I was one of those who couldn't deal with some of the things kids would say quite as well. It hurt, a lot. I felt a lot of rejection from both girls and guys i wanted to be like. Much of that led into high school, and i really hadn't relied on God but more so my own understanding, to deal with these issues.

They stood with me for some reason. Most can deal with these issues as time goes on, but for whatever reason, I just couldn't completely shake them. Sure, I still had a lot to learn about life, but something was still missing. The same chains that held me down even back then were the same ones that would reappear now in my head. The overanalyzing every situation, the discouragement, the self-victimization just wouldn't stop. Why would God let all this happen to me if he is for me, and not against me? Is something physically wrong with me? Why is my anxiety so bad?

The one thing i had yet to learn is that staying within these thoughts was not the abandonment of the one and only, but it was the devil. It is the spiritual enemy, who plots against our every moves; HE was always the one customizing these attacks to prey on my greatest weaknesses. HE was those voices, when in actuality, God had set me free from those the instant he sent his son to die for our sins; for he died for us so that we wouldn't get stuck in the sinful mindset of being stuck in a rut. The Lord truly is greater, and it wasn't until I sought him mores o than ever-in his word and through different sermons - that I could discern his voice versus the devils.

I read in a book called "When the Enemy Strikes" that the devil wants us to act on our temptations so that we will be left feeling weird impulses and self-victimization.

Thats why its astounding that I am now a leader for middle school. God's plan has (and still is) coming full-circle, and its completely liberating.