Lately, I keep running into awkward situations when I go into a public bathroom. So, below are some fun etiquette tips and silly stories.
1. Say "hello" to your co-peer. Some of you out there may have a bathroom buddy who runs on the same schedule as you. You keep running into each other in the bathroom. Don’t be weirded out, say, "Hi, my name is Jen." "Hi Jen!"
2. Now the other day, I was alone in a 12-stall bathroom with stalls on both sides. I had stuff on the ground signaling to anyone who enters, hey there’s someone here. Someone else came in, and I was all, cool, that’s fine, there’s plenty of stalls. 11 other stalls to be exact that they can pick from. The stranger breaks the Cardinal rule! She sat in the stall right next to me! WHAT! WHY? I was only peeing, but still why? She had the entire bathroom, but decided to buddy up next to me. We have rules, lady, and that’s the number one golden rule! People don’t do that! It’s creepy!
3. A few days later, I walk into the same 12-stalled bathroom, and there is a young woman on her phone in front of the sinks. I think, oh ok, she's leaving, and then I can go to do my business. However, she doesn’t go: she talks on and on, on her cell phone. I don’t know why, but this woman talking on her phone makes me self-conscious and shy. Whoever she’s on the phone with doesn’t want to hear me pee, and I don’t want them to hear me pee. She’s not doing anything, but talking. I don’t understand, this isn’t a lounge, people have private stuff to take care of here and she just yaps on. Finally, I talk myself into peeing. It wasn’t easy. Then I go to wash my hands, and she’s just sitting on the counter yapping and kind of looking at me like, “when you going to leave,” and I’m just stunned. Why? You just shouldn’t be on your phone hanging out in the bathroom, maybe answering as you’re exiting, or answer and say, "I’ll call you back in a minute." Staying and loitering in a public bathroom like it’s yours at home is disrespectful; that’s a public space for more than just you, and again, creepy.
4. One time, I came into a bathroom and it smelled, obviously someone had pooped recently. It’s a bathroom, so what do you expect? I did my business, and as I was walking out, another girl was walking in and gave me this look like, “ew, gross, you nasty.” Well, the thing is, I didn’t do that, but how can she know? Even if I had, so what? It’s a bathroom and sometimes the poo isn’t going to wait for you. Stop judging, we all do it, so don’t act like you’re this miraculous being that doesn’t poop too. The only reason talking about poop is awkward is because you are making it awkward. It doesn’t have to be.
5. Maybe we should start having little Febreeze sprayers on our keychains for when we got to do the doo-doo, or if we walk up in a stinky place, spray that mini Febreeze. What if someone is an over-sprayer? Don’t you hate when someone is a little heavy handed on the spraying, and you’re no longer inhaling oxygen, but just Febreeze for a while? What if it's like some people with peanut allergies gets a whiff of your Hawaiian Aloha Febreeze scent and get covered in hives? That’s no good.
6. One time, a fellow student and I ran to the restroom together in a 10 minute break between our classes. We were talking as we walked in about a project and an upcoming quiz. We continued on our conversation, even as we peed, even though there were others in the restroom as well. At first, I wondered if this was bothering them. I thought maybe, but I also felt like it gave everyone a chance to be a bit louder and more comfortable while peeing, instead of acting like it’s a delicate thing. I try to do that for people a lot; I put on the hand dryer, or run the water a little longer so they don’t get anxieties about peeing. It’s a real thing. I’m not freaked about hearing them, I’m just trying to make sure they are comfy too.
7. I just want you to know when you go potty and don’t wash your hands, I look at your shoes under the stall and try to keep an eye out for them in the future. I will silently judge you if I come upon them.
