Hey, friends! Full Disclosure: This article is making fun of myself and is in no way intentionally trying to hurt anyone's feelings. It is pretty cool to know yourself well enough to be able to joyfully and confidently point out those personalities that make you, you. Humor is a part of life that allows one to find laughter on even the darkest days. I hope you enjoy this guide on how to be a basic teenage girl, and I hope it helps you recognize the characteristics in your life that you wouldn't change for the world!
You know you want to. The dark side is pulling you closer, luring you with every cute trend. The soft bribe of the Birkenstocks, the wafting scent of pumpkin spice lattes, and the call of oversized t-shirts is all too much for one gal to handle.
You resisted the urge and tried to hold it back, but your existence was made for Hydro Flasks and white Adidas. Black leggings are an icon, and Lululemon is your religion. RedBubble is your middle name, and buying stickers is your game. UGG is in your list of emergency contacts. You almost developed a science of the lewk, but there are tiny habits that even a master like yourself needed to refine.
You realize where to begin, you were basically born there: Starbucks. It was the death of you when you found out they were switching to sustainable lids to save the turtles. The green straws were the perfect post on social media to prove you were able to afford that Venti Iced Caramel Macchiato. The daily, six-dollar, social media self-validation was worth chipping into your college fund. Likes are priceless. All you had to do was slap on an inspirational quote and hashtags. #Yas.
You must support the coffee franchise as if your life depends on it; it is your bread and butter. If you need to be persuaded, you can probably find a Forever21 to purchase new crop tops from nearby. It is a weakness not many surpass.
After your morning boost, it is imperative to hit up your Boo to make him appreciate how lucky he is to date you. Mention how you never get to breathe the same air as him, stare straight through his eyes and into his soul, or caress the hands that work so hard for your futures. He is your world, and you just want a love deeper than the ocean. This is the best way to guilt him into dinner plans. When Babycakes initiates said interaction, claim that you didn't want to intrude on his time on Earth. This will bristle his hidden emotions that you beg him to share. Undoubtedly, he will inquire the restaurant you would like to eat. In response, you say, "Idc." Any other answer is in contrast of your belief system. Once you arrive at the Chic-fil-A, subtly state that you wish you could have gone to Chipotle instead and admire your hubby's patience die inside. Kiss him on the cheek and relish your victory. Look at how far you've come. You are a kween.