The Ultimate Procrastinator’s Guide To Barely Passing Your Finals
Start writing a post
Student Life

The Ultimate Procrastinator’s Guide To Barely Passing Your Finals

Some horribly accurate final exam advice.

97
The Ultimate Procrastinator’s Guide To Barely Passing Your Finals
marke1996 / Flickr

1. During Finals Week, Only Get A Solid One to Four Hours Of Sleep Per Night.

It has been statistically proven by yours truly that only getting a limited amount of sleep during one of the most stressful weeks of your life will definitely not screw you over. It is a mixture of staying up attempting to/actually studying and being so worried about everything that you simply can’t sleep. I like to call it obtaining, “mental toughness”, as well as obtaining irreversible bags under your eyes. But don’t worry, they’re designer.

2. Consume At Least Two Cups Of Coffee Per Day.

In order to combat the intense exhaustion you will experience, you will need to consume at least two cups of coffee per day. Forget soda, energy drinks, or other forms of caffeine. Old fashioned coffee is where it’s at. It will provide you with all the energy you need, jitters and shakes included. It’s cheap, yummy, and Starbucks also has free Wi-Fi. Did I mention the aesthetic you’ll have with your dirty sweatpants on, homework scattered about, eyes full of regret and lack of sleep? You’re killing it, kid.

3. Try To Study And Be Productive, Then Proceed To Watch Netflix For Five Hours.

Ah, yes. The timeless Netflix dilemma. It haunts us college folk day after day, but it heightens during finals week. The hour-long episodes of God-knows-what are at least 10 times more alluring during this time. It usually starts like this: You sit down to study. You pull out your books and your laptop. You are browsing through study guides, reading last minute books you should’ve finished in November, and before you know it you see yourself typing in the letters N-E-T-F-L-I-X into the browser. There is no turning back after this. Soon, you will be 3 seasons and 5 hours deep into "Grey's Anatomy," which will make you consider switching to Pre-Med.

4. Every Hour Or So, Ponder How Much Money You’ll Save If You Drop Out Of School.

So, you’re halfway through a study guide when you start thinking, “What if I dropped out?” I mean, it is a logical question. But this small question will open the door to more questions such as, “What will happen if I drop out?” “How much is minimum wage?” “Could I do online school?” They will all swirl through your brain as you are trying to focus on the task at hand, studying for a final that you should’ve been studying for 2 weeks ago but decided to take 3 consecutive naps instead. Soon, dropping out seems like a more feasible task than getting an A on your calc final.

5. Calculate The Lowest Grade You Can Get On The Exam To Still Pass The Course And Cry.

As you are skimming through your grades, you have the ultimate light bulb moment. “What is the lowest grade I can get on the final in order to pass the class?” and you get to work. Adding the total points for the class, dividing it by other numbers, adding in the weight of the class somewhere into the equation, and there you have it. The list of calculations that will either make you sigh in relief or cry tears of real pain. If you’re lucky, you’ll be one of those people who would have to get a D on the final exam in order to get an A in the class. But since you’re a procrastinating, hoping for the best goofball, it is likely you’ll be one of those people who will have to get a B on the exam just to get a B, possibly even a C, in the class. So, what are you still doing reading this? You’ve got some studying (and possibly some praying) to do my friend.

6. Take The Final(s), Wait A Week, And See That You Passed. Celebrate By Napping, Guilt Free.

You’ve completed your studying. The time has come. Finals week. You are sleep deprived, most likely under-prepared, but you are resilient. You could’ve dropped out a week ago! Hired someone to take that History final for you. Slipped a $100 bill underneath your instructor's office door with a sticky note attached that said, “Pretty please don’t fail me.” But you didn’t. You powered through. You (attempted to) study. You cried real tears onto the pages of those $300 textbooks you opened for the first time all semester. Now is the time to show the world what you’re made of. So you walk into that class, sit down, take a deep breath and mutter a plethora of swear words under your breath. You finish, walk out, and get off campus as quickly as humanly possible. A week later you pull up your school’s website for grading. Look at you. You did it. You passed your finals, barely. I am proud of you. But take some advice from a true procrastination veteran. Stop putting yourself through hell at the end of every semester. Just stop. You’ll thank me later.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

55375
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

35678
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

957719
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

185535
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments