Do you remember the first time you wore makeup?

Can you recall the excitement building in your chest, the way your googly eyes scanned the endless array of colors, the endearing puzzlement that crossed your face when you asked what products were supposed to graze your eyelids and coat your lips? You nearly said out loud, "who could need this many brushes?"

Maybe you were six when you first wore makeup. Maybe your mom was finally giving in after hours of you begging, please please please, and letting you sit on top of your favorite high chair; you were pure royalty as she painted onto your features, you giggled with each stroke of the brush across your virgin skin.

After what seemed like hours of her prodding and plucking at your face, she announced that she had completed her masterpiece, and when she gave you that hand-held mirror to gaze at your reflection, your life changed forever.

You did not recognize that face staring back at you. You thought, how is this me? as you blinked back at this stranger. But as you looked upon yourself longer, you begin to like the new you. You felt special, more unique than you had with your bare canvas. It seemed so bare compared to the art your mother had so delicately created.

In that moment, you knew you were never looking back. No more of your blank canvas. You wanted to be a work of art every day. And you were naive to this then, but society wanted that too.

As you grew up, makeup became more of a necessity than a means of expressing yourself. You didn't want to cover up those nasty pimples, you had to. You didn't want to coat your eyelashes with that globby mascara, you had to. You didn't want to put on lipstick only to have it fade before second period, you had to. Every day you thought you were making the choice to wear makeup. In reality, you just couldn't go without it.

You begin to lose track of the times you hadn't worn makeup in the last year. You thought to yourself, I wish I could be naturally beautiful so I didn't have to wear makeup every day. You spent most of your money and time on it, yet you didn't want to stop. You couldn't.

Sometimes you would question yourself: Why am I wearing makeup? What is this doing for me? Is this healthy? But no matter how hard you tried, the potential negatives to wearing makeup just couldn't override the incessant need, the craving you had inside for it. Whatever the circumstance, you wore makeup, or rather, makeup wore you.

For most of my life, this was me. Although it took me a long time to realize, I was completely reliant on my makeup for my self-esteem. If there was a day when I had to go without makeup, it was spent constantly worrying about how dead my eyes looked or how red the pimple on my chin must be. I was obsessed with my appearance.

Before I proceed I want to say that I am in no way shaming anyone who wears makeup. That is a choice that should be left entirely up to them and the last thing I want to do is make them feel bad over that choice. Rather, I am sharing my own personal story about the use of makeup and why I made the choice to stop wearing it.

I decided to stop wearing makeup (on a regular basis, not entirely) about a month and a half ago when I stumbled upon a video by Essena O'Neill titled "I'm Grateful for My Acne" (that has since been removed, as her entire YouTube channel was deleted). Essena made many valid points in this video, but what stuck out to me most was the question she posed: "Why do you wear makeup?"

It seems like a simple question, but had I ever really answered it before? I spent the whole day questioning myself until eventually I burst into tears at my own realization. I knew the answer to this question. It was complex, but I knew deep down, that I was not wearing makeup for myself.

I was wearing makeup for everyone but myself. I was wearing makeup for the man down the street that would look me up and down as I passed, I was wearing makeup for the fear of a classmate seeing a blemish if they were too close, I was wearing makeup so I wouldn't feel so self-conscious sending that Snapchat to my crush. I spent part of my day, every day, making myself look "pretty" for others. And it took me about six years to grasp this reality.

So I took a good, hard look at myself in the mirror and I said no more. I deserve better than this. I deserve to roll out of bed and not put anything on my face. I deserve to have that occasional pimple. I deserve to go on with my day not wasting time worrying about my appearance. I deserve to live where the people I meet choose to appreciate my mind more than my looks. I deserve to be the version of me.

This was, and continues to be, incredibly empowering. I admit I still feel societal pressure to wear makeup, but each day it gets easier. Each day I am worrying less and doing more with the extra space in my brain that make up and my appearance used to fill. It is so, so freeing. I feel much more confident with who I am and I'm proud of this accomplishment.

When we stop putting our appearance as our number one concern, we begin to appreciate and love the other parts of us. For the longest time, I didn't know how to love myself. I'm still struggling, but realizing how much more there is to me than what others see when they're looking at me was a huge step in that process.

Six years ago, I would've never guessed that going makeup free would actually improve my sense of self. Yet here I am, typing all these thoughts out in a mess for you, in hopes that you may try this for yourself too.

I want everyone to feel comfortable in their own skin, whether that means wearing makeup or not. However, I also want to challenge all of you: Go a week without wearing makeup, and write down how you feel about yourself at the end of that week.

You just might be surprised at what you find.