Living with anxiety is the antithesis of the aphorism, “seeing your life flash before your eyes.” While yes, many days seem like they may be your last in the midst of panic attacks, every mistake—past, present and potential—is examined in excruciating detail before declared the reason behind your own demise. Even more unfortunate, that end is not swift; instead, it is the trudging trap that is to become your biography.
Living with anxiety is living with a broken record of self-doubt in place of a brain. If my words of affirmation are narcissism, echo is the condescending repetition rather than the soothing confirmation. Mantras of, “I am enough,” quickly falter into questions: When was the last time your efforts actually proved to be enough? Haven’t you had enough attention today? Get over it. No "A for effort" with the harshest critic slamming big, red Xs across every delivery of positive vibes until your vision turns blurry from either the exhaustion of trying or the entrance of tears.
Living with anxiety is one snowball effect after another. Regardless of the cause -- a skipped workout, less than stellar grade, shocking confrontation, etc. -- unwarranted assumptions fall in line faster than you can say, “Take a deep breath.” One evening of junk food immediately leads to an irreparably unhealthy lifestyle and obesity; one disappointing C on a test directly translates to failing the class (or all your classes); one overanalyzed conversation about a touchy subject means you’ve lost your only friends forever.
Living with anxiety is one bad day turned one bad night turned one bad misconception.
Though impossible to see in the seemingly unending moment of foggy future possibilities, slowly but surely the haze dissipates to reveal what everyone was insisting all along: terse, not terminal, turbulence. Dry your eyes, pick up the broken pieces and resume taking life one day at a time. Each day holds a new challenge, but the sooner you can accept that and continue going forward, the sooner you can take the pen from anxiety and begin writing your own memoir.
