As a self-proclaimed health-nut, I'm already on bad terms with bacon as it is; but that hatred compounds itself every time that burnt meat desecrates my salad and sullies my taste buds. You don't need me to cite facts about how bacon's high in saturated fat and sodium or that it has a high caloric density to convince you of how laughably unhealthy this breakfast meat is— it's all been said before. What I mean to point out is how absolutely repulsive it is taste-wise. The flavor makes me cringe and anything resembling it causes me to gag (I'm looking at you vegan bacon!). It really could just be me, but I don't believe that, although I've had my own personal trials with these distasteful pig-flaps.

My Personal Trials With The Dreadful Pig-meat Flaps:

When I was a kid, my parents would take my older brother and I out to breakfast for a once-in-a-while type treat on Sunday mornings, as most families do. I had trouble with eating unfamiliar and strangely textured foods at the ripe 'ol age of 6 and bacon was no exception. Unfortunately for me, my parents would order me the same food as my brother, since he was a picky eater too, and they figured I'd be into the same stuff. However, to my 6-year-old self's chagrin, my brother and I happen to have opposing taste pallets. Every time, without fail, he would order burnt toast with bacon.

I shit you not.

And guess what my parents ordered for me: SO BURNT IT'S BASICALLY A BLOCK OF CHAR, TOAST WITH A PILE OF BLACKENED MEAT RIBBONS.

I remember so many family breakfasts where, although I loved being with them, I dreaded the food. My parents, being good, normal parents, didn't want me to starve so they would threaten to take me back to the car if I didn't eat the bacon. Since I was usually having such a fun time laughing around with them and my brother, I dutifully choked those pig-meat flaps down.

I'm sure I wasn't the only kid to be forced to eat bacon. Hopefully (or hopefully not), others relate to my bacon-hate or at least have those foods that really make 'em gag from being forced to eat 'em as a kid. Like my one friend, whose dad, in an attempt to get her to eat broccoli, put canned cheese on it and subsequently made her hate most stand-alone cheese.

Even if you like bacon more than life itself (which is not hard in this economy), I hope you at least see WHY bacon is so horrid to me, rather than just agree or disagree with me.

In a time-period of boiling disagreements and tension-filled misunderstandings, I want you to at least give me an understanding nod before noshing on that bacon-burger or chef salad.