Ever since I was a little girl, I have been a Daddy's girl. My dad is my best friend, and he's absolutely wrapped around my finger. As the only daughter, this wasn't hard for me to achieve. We would do everything together, and everything that I am as a person is because of my dad. My love for music and theatre comes from him. I love the same shows and movies as him. He has encouraged me to be the best version of myself, and I believe that I am a better person because of him. My dad means everything to me. On April 20th, 2016, everything changed.
From April 15th-17th my choir and I traveled to San Antonio for a competition. We came back on Sunday the 17th, and my mom came to pick me up. This was odd since my dad always comes with my mom if I am coming back from a trip, even if it is just a weekend. I found out when my mom picked me up that my dad had a major stroke (for the second time). I broke down in the middle of the school parking lot. My dad is my best friend and my first love. The saying that a girl's first love is her father is completely true in my situation.
We spent the next three days in the hospital. Apparently my dad had the stroke on that Saturday while I was in San Antonio. My mom didn't want to worry me on the way home since we were driving on a bus. My brother kept telling me that these next days would be the hardest in our lives. If we could get through this, we could get through anything. My dad spent the three days in a coma. He had emergency surgery, and he went into a coma. After that, we were told that he would probably not come out of the coma. "Pray when it is hardest to." I didn't stop praying. My CYO had a prayer service for my dad, and I spoke to my priest about what would be the best thing to do if my family was told that we must make a decision about leaving him on the machines or not. Unfortunately, we were asked to make this decision. My family allowed me to make the final call because of my religious beliefs. I decided, with the help of Father Travis of St. Ann Church, that we would take him off because there was absolutely no way that he could come out of the coma. The stroke affected his entire brain, and there was only slight activity in one part of his brain.
I was told that I could be there right after they pulled him off. The monitors would be off, so I wouldn't know when it was over. My family went in- my mom, my brother, my Pepaw, my grandmother, and me. My dad had his first stroke on his left side, so throughout this process, his left side would jump sometimes, even in the coma. I stood on his left side when he passed. I was holding his hand, and his last breath caused his left side to jump. He squeezed my hand in his final breath. I knew at that moment that everything would be okay. He passed on April 20th, 2016 at 3:05pm.
As the person that I am, I always accept things as soon as they happen, or I will never accept the situation. My dad taught me that lesson. I accepted that my dad was suffering terribly, and he was not going to be waking up this time. My family is the opposite of me, so I knew I needed to be there for them. I went to school the day before and the day after my dad passed away. My classmates told me that they were shocked to see me at school and smiling. I knew my dad wanted me to be happy more than anything. No, I am not happy that he passed away. I am happy that he is no longer suffering.
Unfortunately, because he is no longer suffering, I am suffering every day at every moment missing him. Some people have a very hard time during Father's Day, and it is important to be understanding during this time. I avoid Father's Day because I simply cannot fathom that my father is no longer walking this path of life with me. He didn't get to see me graduate high school. He didn't see me start college. He won't see me in my first show. He won't see me receive my degree. He will never walk me down the aisle. He won't see me move to New York to pursue my dreams. I avoid Father's Day because it doesn't just remind me of the good things about my dad; it reminds me of the things I am missing that my friends and people around me still have. I try not to be jealous of others who still have their dads, but it is so difficult when my dad is my best friend.
I love my dad more than anything. My father, my best friend, my first love. Always.
P.S. Mom, thank you for being with me through everything, always. You have been the best support and parent a girl could ask for. You're the reason I am still pushing through. I feel as though I need to say that because I don't think I say it enough. Thank you, mom.
