To All My Loyal Customers,

Can all those shopping this holiday season keep the hardworking employees in mind?

I know Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, but is it really necessary to wreck our store as you partake in the holiday shopping experience? When did BOGO start translating into “you may now unfold all the clothes and throw all items on the ground you please?"

I honestly appreciate the effort when you put merchandise back, but what is the point if you misplace it? That just doubles my workload. That’s right. I am fully aware of the blouse you shamelessly stuck between the blue skinny jeans after you refused to give it to me. Or that pack of tube socks on top of the corn chips. Yeah, I saw that too.

I am truly sorry. I know you are under a significant amount of pressure as you finish your Christmas shopping. I cannot even begin to relate to the stress you are dealing with. I am just working 10 hour shifts, running and hollering for managers all day long, picking up after you, restocking merchandise, and giving you my priceless customer service smile at all times.

I want to be in and out of the store just as much as you do. Unfortunately, throwing your items at me is not going to make me go any faster. But if you keep up with your bags, I can probably finish the rest of your transaction more quickly. No ma’am, I am not giving you attitude when I say this. Trust me. It can get ugly. Like, grandma-got run-over-by-a-reindeer ugly.

Sometimes, you need expert advice; I understand that. However, I do not know if your husband will fit in that sweater. I have never had the pleasure in meeting him. Or if your rebellious teenage daughter, who just came back from college with a new boyfriend and crashed her car, will like that perfume, but thanks for sharing your daughter’s life story. I feel like I am part of the family now.

I know, nothing says happy holidays like a cheap Christmas card. I just do not know why you insist in putting your holiday cards in the envelope or upside down. What have I ever done to you to deserve such an unusual and cruel punishment?

I understand it is the holidays, and you are all full of feelings. However, please do not mistake my politeness for flirting. It is my job to greet you, sir. My name tag does not mean we are on a first name basis, and, unless you are buying me a Christmas gift, I do not want your number.

Yes, for the billionth time, our store will be open on Christmas Eve, but what could you possibly need than that you cannot get today? Coming into the store three minutes before closing the day of is just plain mean. I also have a family back home waiting for me to get off work so I can open gifts and eat dinner.

A key component of celebrating the holidays is alcohol. However, you cannot buy beer with food stamps. I do not care what the store down the street told you. And yes, I will need to see your driver’s license. I have gray hairs too, and I am underage.

This might come as a shocker to some holiday shoppers, but you have to pay at the end of your transaction. I know. It’s crazy. But walking into the store without your wallet kind of complicates our relationship. I do not want to hate you, so just make sure to always be prepared.

Another shocker might be our express lane. The express lane is only for customers with 10 items or less. Not 10 plus 15 or 10 times 10. Your excuse of “I only came in for a few items” does not make up for the fact that you pulled up to the register with three carts.

And as much as I enjoy my long romantic walks across the poorly paved parking lot, it is highly appreciated if you leave the shopping carts near the store. Without your baby’s diaper in it.

I know it is a stressful time of year for all holiday shoppers and I would hate to make it any more stressful, but I am human too. I also have worries. I also have feelings. I can also experience a cardiac arrest out of stress. So while you are waiting in line, instead of getting frustrated, breathe. You are going to make it. I promise I will try my best to get you out of the store as soon as possible with the best deals.

And as always, thank you for shopping with us,

Your Neighborhood Shopping Store Employee