This year, I arrived home for winter break looking for a reprieve from the exam filled hell of the last week. It felt like diving for home plate after an awfully lengthy inning. My mindset was purely on recuperating and recovering.
I climbed up the stairs to my room and looked to my left at what used to be my sister’s room. The familiar purple walls, floral carpet, and bedspread had been turned into a shared office for my mom and dad. This realization was slightly jarring, but I moved to my room and didn’t think twice about it.
In the ensuing weeks, my family celebrated Christmas the same way we had ever since I can remember. A string of traditions that we all moved through, blissfully ignorant of how repetitive each action was. In between decorating the tree, and baking cookies, I, like most college students, spent my time binge watching Netflix.
I did what I had done every break since going off to college. Coasting along. I woke up late, watched Netflix, occasionally went to the gym, and then went out with friends. The time in my house was spent entirely in my room.
My excuse for doing nothing all day was that I was on break. I needed time to relax. But something about my sister’s bedroom transformation bothered me.
Meghan no longer lives at home. She got married over the summer. And I wasn’t really able to understand what was bothering me until the holidays were over, and I wasn’t seeing Meghan every other day.
Perhaps I just have a selfish view of my surroundings, but when I go off to school, the changes that are occurring at home don’t seem to be so noticeable. I may know that down the line change will happen, like when my younger sister goes off to college. But for now, I see home as something that never changes. So when I’m back home, I’m content to relax and wait for school to start again.
It seems absurd that I view most days at home as boring and lacking purpose. All the days tend to blur together. It didn’t occur to me until now that there are more of these days behind me than in front of me. After college no one knows where they will end up. I worry someday I’ll be celebrating Christmas away from home and I’ll vaguely remember our traditions, like sitting together and reading our advent book. I worry I will regret taking it all for granted.
After another break of mindless coasting, I regret I did not come to this conclusion earlier. It is time to stop seeing break as a reprieve from the hard work of school. I no longer want break to be a time when I recover from finals, and then wait to go back. I want to make more of an effort to interact with my family, and my childhood home. I want to take it all in, before it is too late.
