Do what you love, they say. Sure, that sounds nice and all, but, damn, that’s a lot of pressure. When I tell people about my dramatic switch from a biology/kind-of-pre-med to a fine arts major, many respond with, congratulations on following your heart!, or, wow, I wish there was something I was that passionate about I could just leave everything else behind for.

People seem to be longing to be passionate about something, anything, but they think that such passion is reserved for select musicians and artists. But I’m not sure that’s exactly how things work. Honestly, I’m not sure I’m even “passionate” about art. I enjoy painting, sometimes, besides the 80% of the time when it feels like work: frustrating and tedious. It’s just kind of what I do, but when I try to explain why, I stumble.

While my major declaration process consumed my heart and soul, it seemed that my friends, who were mostly science majors, had barely blinked an eye when they declared their majors. Why was I the only one to be struggling? It was not until nearly a year later, however, drinking wine with my new fellow art majors, when I realized that most of them, too, had struggled with their decision just as much as I did, maybe more, and combatted varying degrees of mental illness and family conflict during the process.

I think that choosing to be an art major is a unique experience because you have to justify your choice. It sounds like an indulgent, non-academic major that teaches no concrete real-world skills and offers no clear career path. You have to explain to your parents your long term goals, articulate to professors your reasons for switching majors and prove to your friends that you’re “passionate” (there’s that word again) about art. And of course, you cannot possibly have all the answers, and soon, you begin to doubt yourself.

In times like these I wish I were “passionate” about art so that I could sing and dance down the streets like Lizzo and Caroline Smith shaking off all the nay sayers.

But I think that my true loves in life are my family, my friends, running on the beach… nothing that could lead to a career path, kind of like most people. We young people put so much pressure on ourselves to do what we love, but that can make us crazy because we question what passion really is.

I do art because it has been an essential part of my being for as long as I can remember and when I create, I feel like I am being true to myself. I go with my gut. Maybe that’s passion, maybe it’s not. But it’s what I do, so I’m going to continue.