When you date someone, your life changes. You spend so much time with that person that you often become a reflection of them. Soon you hold their same beliefs, interests, goals, and characteristics. This can be a magical experience. A time when you think about this person as you wake up, and dream about them as you fall asleep; you don't know what you would do without them.
The problem with this type of relationship is that you have lost something very important: yourself.
In our society, it is easy to feel pressure from our peers, family, and social media to be in the “perfect relationship." The perfect relationship, today, has been misconstrued into a depiction where love has turned into Instagram posts, appreciation into material gifts, and commitment into a fear of losing the other person. Before you argue that these things can be healthy in a relationship—you're right—they can, but more often than not, when we perceive love, appreciation, and commitment this way, people end up getting into relationships just for the sake of being in a relationship. Not only are the ups-and-downs of these types of relationships unhealthy, but more importantly, they are distracting.
You may be with someone who makes you laugh, loves you, and would never hurt you. There are many relationships that can transform your life for the better; that help you to explore a deeper part of yourself. These relationships are blessings, and should not be discounted.
However, you are still dating the wrong person if you have not yet dated yourself.
Dating yourself does not have anything to do with holding the door, posting pictures, or going out on dates. Yes, you can do these things, but more importantly, dating yourself is about finding out who you are and who you want to be. In order to do this, though, you must first eliminate distractions that cause you to be someone else. Dating yourself means loving, appreciating, and committing to yourself. It is easy to say that you already do this, but if you feel dependent upon someone else for these feelings, then it is evident that you have not yet expressed these feelings to yourself.
If this speaks to you, step back and ask yourself one question:
"Am I in a relationship because I am ready to love someone else, or am I in a relationship because I have not yet loved myself?"
This question will define the next step you should take. If you have loved, appreciated, and committed to yourself, these emotions will overflow into the lives of those around you. You will date someone because they compliment you rather than complete you. Depending on someone to complete you has become the epitome of romance, but what is not illustrated is the loss of self that comes from this dependency.
This is not to say that you shouldn't show others love, but rather that you should reevaluate what love truly means. The act of loving should not be explicit to a single person. Once you fill yourself with love, it will overflow into every person you come across, but if you have not yet filled yourself with your own love, then you risk the chance of being emptied. If you love yourself, you will never be emptied; you will never miss the chance of loving others.
People will come and go; paths will change, but you can't, and never will, break up with yourself, which means it’s time to love, appreciate, and commit to yourself. It’s time to date the right person.
"You've got to love yourself first. You've got to be okay on your own before you can be okay with somebody else." - Jennifer Lopez
