Apps — they sure do make our lives earlier. With a mere touch of a button, we can easily catch a ride with a stranger, figure out what that really good song is actually called, find other lonely locals in the area to meet up with, or get an overpriced sandwich delivered to our doorsteps at two in the morning. This modern tech age truly holds no bounds. However, I think we could spice things up a bit in the app department. With that being said, here's a list of apps I wish were real, along with an outline for potential advertising! (Wink wink, cast of Shark Tank).
1. Find my sock
I know that when I lose my favorite sock in the laundry, it can really take a toll on my day. "Find My Sock" can save me as well as many others from despair by locating the missing sock through a tracking system of sorts, thanks to a simple touch of a button. Who knew it was in the dryer all along?
2. What's Britney Spears doing?
Do you ever go about your day and think, What is Britney Spears doing? Is she in the bathroom, is she smoking up outside? (Oh!) With "What's Britney Spears Doing?", beloved fans can get a complete and detailed play-by-play of her daily activities; between what she ate for breakfast, all the TV shows she's binging, or how many times she's pooped today. It's not creepy.
3. Canned laughter
Do you feel like no one laughs at your jokes, even though they're really funny? Well, "Canned Laughter" can help with that! The app will automatically know when you crack a joke, so various laugh tracks will play straight out of your phone. The app includes other classic audience reaction sounds such as booing, gasping, and sympathy aw!'s. Your friends won't know what's coming.
4. Erase That from my memory!
Oh, God. You just told your crush you think the Earth is flat. It's alright, we all say things we don't mean when we're nervous. Luckily, "Erase That From My Memory!" allows you to erase any thoughts or memories that give you complete and utter crippling embarrassment through mildly painless shockwaves that emit from your phone; just hold your device up to your face! Don't worry, it won't be as scary as it was for Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.
5. What's that fish thinking?
Boy, that goldfish swimming alone in that fishbowl looks pretty intellectual. Find out his deepest, most intrusive thoughts with "What's That Fish Thinking?". Just hold your phone up to the glass and let technology do the rest. "Glub glub… Bush did 9/11, glub glub…,"
Get back at that person who really ticked you off with this hit new app, "BalloonFilledWithPissDash"! Thanks to modern drone technology, the app can track down that special someone and hit them with a sneaky, yellow liquid surprise.
7. Talk to the ghost of Billy Mays
For just $19.99, this app can contact the ghost of Billy Mays. We all miss your enthusiasm for getting stains out of carpets, Billy!