Here's A List of Apps I Wish Were Real

Apps — they sure do make our lives earlier. With a mere touch of a button, we can easily catch a ride with a stranger, figure out what that really good song is actually called, find other lonely locals in the area to meet up with, or get an overpriced sandwich delivered to our doorsteps at two in the morning. This modern tech age truly holds no bounds. However, I think we could spice things up a bit in the app department. With that being said, here's a list of apps I wish were real, along with an outline for potential advertising! (Wink wink, cast of Shark Tank).

1. Find my sock

I know that when I lose my favorite sock in the laundry, it can really take a toll on my day. "Find My Sock" can save me as well as many others from despair by locating the missing sock through a tracking system of sorts, thanks to a simple touch of a button. Who knew it was in the dryer all along?

2. What's Britney Spears doing? 

Do you ever go about your day and think, What is Britney Spears doing? Is she in the bathroom, is she smoking up outside? (Oh!) With "What's Britney Spears Doing?", beloved fans can get a complete and detailed play-by-play of her daily activities; between what she ate for breakfast, all the TV shows she's binging, or how many times she's pooped today. It's not creepy.

3. Canned laughter

Do you feel like no one laughs at your jokes, even though they're really funny? Well, "Canned Laughter" can help with that! The app will automatically know when you crack a joke, so various laugh tracks will play straight out of your phone. The app includes other classic audience reaction sounds such as booing, gasping, and sympathy aw!'s. Your friends won't know what's coming.

4. Erase That from my memory! 

Oh, God. You just told your crush you think the Earth is flat. It's alright, we all say things we don't mean when we're nervous. Luckily, "Erase That From My Memory!" allows you to erase any thoughts or memories that give you complete and utter crippling embarrassment through mildly painless shockwaves that emit from your phone; just hold your device up to your face! Don't worry, it won't be as scary as it was for Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

5. What's that fish thinking? 

Boy, that goldfish swimming alone in that fishbowl looks pretty intellectual. Find out his deepest, most intrusive thoughts with "What's That Fish Thinking?". Just hold your phone up to the glass and let technology do the rest. "Glub glub… Bush did 9/11, glub glub…,"

6. Balloonfilledwithpissdash

Get back at that person who really ticked you off with this hit new app, "BalloonFilledWithPissDash"! Thanks to modern drone technology, the app can track down that special someone and hit them with a sneaky, yellow liquid surprise.

7. Talk to the ghost of Billy Mays

For just $19.99, this app can contact the ghost of Billy Mays. We all miss your enthusiasm for getting stains out of carpets, Billy!

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Swoon

119 People Reveal How The Pandemic Has Affected Their Love Lives, And Honestly... Relatable

"I haven't been able to get out of the 'talking phase' with anyone."

The reality is, there's no part of life the pandemic hasn't affected. Whether it's your work life, your home life, your social life, or your love life, coronavirus (COVID-19) is wreaking havoc on just about everything — not to mention people's health.

When it comes to romance, in particular, people are all handling things differently and there's no "right way" of making it through, regardless of your relationship status (single, taken, married, divorced, you name it). So, some of Swoon's creators sought out to hear from various individuals on how exactly their love lives have been affected since quarantine began.

Keep Reading... Show less

Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B just dropped the hottest summer single yet. It's called "WAP" and we're going to get into all the intoxicating lyrics.

This song empowers females and their sexuality. These women put the ridiculous music industry female beef to bed, and I mean tucked away in a coma.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

How To Write Down The Holy Grail Recipe Everyone Begs You To Make

Because everyone has a signature cocktail, cake, or pasta they bring to every potluck.

NBC

From back when I used to bring my mom's classic white chocolate chip cookies to preschool on my birthday to now stirring up my signature tequila cocktails at every friends' barbecue, I've always had a couple of standby recipes in my culinary rotation.

Keep Reading... Show less
Adulting

Meet My Cat: Cheshire, The Stray Turned House Cat Who Lives in Michigan

I never considered myself a cat person, but Chess immediately stole my heart.

Madelyn Darbonne

In 2016, a stray cat gave birth to a litter of three grey kittens on my aunt and uncle's property. I had never considered myself to be much of a cat person, but these furballs immediately stole my heart. I got to watch them grow up until they were old enough to leave their mother's side.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

How To Binge-Watch A TV Show —And Then Write A Review About It

Writing your favorite and least favorite things about a show could not be more fun.

Photo by Mollie Sivaram on Unsplash

Looking for a new show to binge? Stop scrolling through your options and listen.

Sometimes a good show doesn't come down to the genre or the actors involved, it comes down to the fact that it is simply a GOOD show. If any of these things sound appealing to you, you should definitely watch.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

11 Reasons Why Getting A Cat Is The Best Thing You Can Do For Your Mental Health

Cats may mess up your puzzles but they'll always love you unconditionally — as long as you have some catnip, that is.

Scout Guarino

Alright, everyone, it's time to stop spreading the rumor that all cats are mean, aloof, and hate everyone. Like dogs, each cat has its own personality and tendencies. Some like a lot of attention, some like less — each person has to find the right cat for them. As for me, my cats Bienfu and Reptar have seen me at my worst, but they've also helped pull me out of it. They're a constant in my life and they give me the strength to get through the day in spite of my depression, and there's even scientific evidence to support it!

Keep Reading... Show less

I've been bleaching my hair since I was in seventh grade. Yes, you read that correctly, seventh grade. That's nearly 10 years of maintaining a very light shade of blonde that too-often brings about dryness and brittle strands.

Keep Reading... Show less

Chances are if you're here, you're probably interested in writing an open letter. Yay! We're excited to have you.

Of course, not all open letters are created equal. In fact, there's a recipe to writing one for Odyssey that'll get featured on one of our many verticals. When it comes to Swoon specifically (for those new around here, that's our dating and relationships vertical), we receive dozens of open letters each month, many of which are all very similar.

Keep Reading... Show less

With a new phone comes great responsibility: Do not break it! And the best way to do that is with a case. However, picking a case can be a challenge. No need to fret, I am here to help break down some of the best cases for the new iPhone SE 2020. Honestly, I think it's going to be impossible to choose!

Keep Reading... Show less

To some who have been out of the dating world for a while, it can be hard to get back into the swing of things after being single for some time. So, I asked 26 people what they think is important to know before looking for love again, here's what they had to say.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments