Many women apologize like their lives depend on it. We rush to say "sorry" when someone is in our way and we respond with an apology when people interrupt us. We’re anxious of sounding rude and we're afraid of showing emotions because we fear judgement. Throughout history, women have been shamed, mocked, and called “crazy” for standing out and expressing their emotions. So it makes sense why many of us apologize in common situations. "Sorry" is essentially another way of disregarding our strength, to appear soft and sweet, but can unfortunately be a bad habit when said without purpose.
It's often said that “sorry” is one of the hardest words to say to another person, but some women seem to interject it into almost everything they say. There's a reason the word "sorry" is not meant to be used all the time - it can affect a person's potential to be heard and respected in life. We over-apologize to avoid sounding too harsh. But unnecessary apologies won't get you very far in your life or career. According to Sylvia Ann Hewlett, founder of the Manhattan Center for Talent Innovation, over-apologizing hurts our ability to be taken seriously and makes employers question leadership ability.
Although many apologize in attempt to be more liked, saying it too often only makes a person sound defensive and self-conscious. So it's helpful to keep track of unnecessary apologies to be more sincere in the apologies you exchange and receive from others. “Apologizing is one way of being deemed more likable,” says Rachel Simmons, author of "The Curse of the Good Girl." “Women know they have to be likable to get ahead. Apologizing is one way to make yourself more accessible and less threatening.” Sometimes "sorry" may just be a verbal tic but over-apologizing is essentially just a clutch we use to try to be polite and avoid offending the other person. It's a filler word, similar to, "I know this is a stupid question" or "I hate to even ask." But using "sorry" as a crutch downplays our ability to be taken seriously, so rather than saying sorry too often, find another phrase to focus on. It's also good to learn embrace silence and understand when an apology is needed. Silence is often better than saying "sorry" without reason.
An apology is needed is when we hurt someone, but saying sorry when we're not responsible only invalidates us as women. Over-apologizing gives others the impression that we're less capable. So next time you feel the need to apologize, take a moment before to ask yourself if you're really to blame. If it's not your fault, then there's no apology needed.
