Throughout my years of surfing the fierce waves of the internet, I've seen my fair share of content. I've been through the MySpace days, the AOL IM days, the BEBO, early Facebook/Youtube/Twitter days... There are old videos and memes a lot of us can look on fondly, although a lot of it should be burned and forgotten in some grand digital bonfire somewhere. Nevertheless, with almost a decade or so under my belt, I have seen social media cultures breed and grow, and there is a trend I have noticed.
One of the longest lasting trends or constants I have noted online is something I like to refer to as a "Negative Society." We all tend to see negativity prevail, whether it's another repetitive post comparing ourselves to garbage or if it is animosity towards others. There's this culture that praises sarcasm and shade over being up front with your feelings, shunning and mocking the ideas of being emotional and even being happy with yourself.
Where does this normalization of "I hate myself, I hate life, I hate people" come from? Why do we find it thriving like it does, and why should we even care?
Sidenote: Forgive me if the rest of this article seems more unprofessional because of the lack of cited sources to back and explain fully what I am discussing, but I just want to reflect and talk. This is the disclaimer to say that much of what I will say in this comes from personal experience and theorizing, along with past credible sources lost throughout the years. Please, if you have something to say or information to add to this conversation, add it in and speak up!
I want to talk about where I think it all could come from. I have looked into this topic specifically in the past to see if this was something that anyone else has noticed or if it was just the online company I kept. It was hard to find research when you don't even know what to call this phenomenon of "Negative Society," but I remember reading a couple theories from some sociologist somewhere trying to come up with his own idea about it. The internet is still something new and ever-changing, so trying to study the cultures and patterns in social media is a challenge.
Anyways, what I found from talking with others and from the articles I read, part of this self-deprecating culture stems from what one could call a "free-pass" feeling. If you make fun of yourself, you aren't in the wrong... right? Memes making fun of yourself can't really hurt anyone, and it is a way to vent feelings of unhappiness and stress in life. At least, this is the reasoning of one of the theories.
The other motivator is fear. Emotions make you vulnerable, and that can be scary. Our primitive instincts don't want us to be vulnerable, so it can seem like not feeling anything can make you invincible. If you don't show interest in something or someone, you can't be let down. Apathy gets confused for strength or power, which we see a lot in the issue of hypermasculinity (which is a whole other article, honestly) among other things. I personally think it makes you stronger to allow yourself to be emotional, be attached, and be vulnerable in life, but again, this is the theory.
The reason it spreads goes to the social learning theory, which explains itself. If many of us see something happening in society, we copy that action or that trend because we want to feel included in something. It's ironic, really, how we try to relate to others by expressing our feelings of loneliness.
Maybe you're wondering why I bring this up at all. Okay, it's an internet problem, but is it actually an issue to care about? Why now?
I guess it all comes from me thinking about the idea of being in the "holiday spirit." The concept of holiday spirit has taken on new meanings and morphed as I've gotten older. There used to be so much wonder, magic, and whimsy in wondering what people would receive and what stories you would hear next at family getogethers. You thought about others and their needs genuinely. Now, your love is measured through the gifts you can afford, and there is a certain rhetoric and political undertone with the small talk between extended family. Maybe it's the commercialization of the holidays, or maybe the holiday magic was only meant for kids, but I believe that our communications throughout the year play a part. "Negative Society" has made us so... so self-centered. Social media takes on this egocentric mentality that the world sucks because of one's own self-loathing and personal plights. It is hard to be genuine and give yourself and your time to a community that you look at with a stern eye continuously. You spend so long focusing on the flaws, you forget how to appreciate the good that exists or even remember that you should be working for change in the first place.
I want to have people see the beauty in the world again. I have a personal distaste for this negative culture not just for the feign idea of holiday spirit, but because I have one too many friends waking up during this winter break wishing they weren't home for the holidays or waking up at all. Mental illness has risen over the years, and I doubt the cute trends of saying you hate yourselves is doing any good for the 20% of children and adolescents in the world who face mental illnesses like anxiety and depression. Normalizing those negative feelings is regressive, and call me crazy, but I think that finding a new positive outlook to embrace would help out a little.
Despite everything, I still believe that the true "holiday spirit" is out there. I see it in some of the visionaries and kind souls I surround myself with. I see it in person through those extra helping hands of friends. I see it in those moments of sickness when my family will stop everything to make sure I'm okay. I see it even online when my favorite youtube videographers takes his daughter to meet Santa Clause for the first time but changes his nightly plans to buy gloves for a man down on his luck. I think that the instinct to be kind and to care about the world is still out there, even if the internet likes to make fun of it. For that, I am hopeful.
Happy holidays to you and yours. Remember that you are not trash, your neighbors deserve kindness, and the world truly has so much to offen when you look at it with a new perspective.
