First off, I want to say I'm sorry. Pushing someone away is the easiest thing to do, but the hardest thing to deal with. It also goes without saying that it isn't always a decision that is made with complete clarity at the time that it is made. For anyone who has ever pushed someone away who they sincerely care about, I'm sure this article will be highly relatable. At the same time, no one person can ever truly speak on behalf of everyone else. Nonetheless, because I know I'm not the only person to have experienced this and done so myself, I hope that this article can encourage people to think before they act.
A few articles ago, I wrote about the difficulties in having anxiety and how it affects my every day life and relationships. The ease that comes in pushing people away goes hand in hand with this. From my personal experience, sometimes it seems easier to do away with a person in your life instead of putting up with the complications that comes with having them in your life. Although this is true and it's a strong and hopefully positive decision to make that hopefully leads to better the individually, it can also lead to a dark path if enough time wasn't put into thinking the decision over.
Yes, some people come our lives for a reason, and others for a season. Sometimes it's difficult to tell who is meant to stay and who is meant to go. As a result, sometimes the wrong person is let go, or in my case, shoved out. I've found that when I don't want to admit what I really need or want from a person in order to have a relationship or friendship free of complications, I hold in my opinions in until they burst from within and I end up making the biggest deal over the smallest thing (I know, that sounds really petty). Along with that comes miscommunication, anger, sadness and eventually regret. Sometimes I'm personally so afraid of messing up something or letting someone discover who I really am that I go ahead and push them away before either of those things happen.
In the long run, it's important to keep in mind the consequences that follow after pushing someone away. It seems that my mind suddenly decides to stop kicking into overdrive and communicates with my mouth that I should share everything that was going on in my head as an attempt to reel the person back in. Unfortunately, some times it's too late. Either that person is completely gone or they come back and the relationship has changed.
Moral of the story is, pushing away someone is an accident that is hard to undo. It's not easy to always communicate what's on ones mind, but it is definitely the better way to go. If it doesn't seem possible at the time, take a step back, observe the situation and how you're feeling, and try to form the words that improve the relationship as opposed to breaks it.
So, to anyone I've ever pushed away, I'm sorry. It's taken a while to really understand the "why's" and to recognize what follows after. Although what's done is done, it goes without saying that a little more time to think about something goes a long way.
