There Will Always Be People Who Don't Like People Pleasers
Start writing a post

You Are Not For Everyone And That's OK

Being the most authentic version of yourself is the best way for you to be in this amazing life.

You Are Not For Everyone And That's OK

I grew up a people-pleaser. It was drilled into me from childhood that it was very important to be aware of what other people thought of me and my actions at all times.

Growing up in the south, keeping up with appearances is something that becomes a part of your identity.

While I enjoy the part of Southern upbringing that taught me to always be polite, the part that teaches you to put others' opinions before your own is something that I came to resent. Before I made any decision, I had to carefully weigh out how it would affect others and their thoughts of me. As a child, it worked out pretty well. (The whole reason I stayed out of trouble mostly, right?) As a young adult... not so much. The constant need to have everyone like me came back to kick me in the butt, again and again.

It started out through high school and early college when I was still figuring out my interests and passions.

In my heart, I felt one way. In person, I obviously leaned toward whatever I thought was "cool." I can still remember having the childish awe and passions at the time, but I tried to grow up far too quickly to fit in. Before long it got to the point where every decision in my life involved me heavily weighing what other people would think.

I built myself completely around others' expectations, from the way I looked, to my friends, to my relationships, passions, personality, and more.

When people would ask me about myself, I had carefully planned out answers. They weren't the same for everyone because I tailored them to what I thought each person would want to hear. I became an expert at analyzing people and situations so that I could figure out the person I needed to be for certain people in order for them to like me. I had no one true self, but instead, many different versions made to please anyone and everyone.

In relationships, it hurt me the most, possibly. I never revealed my true self to anyone, friends, or significant others, as I didn't want to drive them away. If we got into arguments, I would either apologize or simply pull myself away from them as I convinced myself that we were not meant to be.

The journey to my own self-discovery and wanting to please myself came from something unexpected when a friend began pulling away from me after we had had an argument. In the past, I had always been the one to pull away from people before they even got the chance to get too close to me, never the other way around.

It struck me in time that I was not upset because of how close we had become or how much I had valued them as a person.

It turned out, what upset me the most was knowing that there was someone out there who did not like me and was harboring bad feelings toward me. The thought of that tore me apart.

It wasn't until I was talking to another friend that she pointed out that there were most likely plenty of people that didn't like me. At the sound of this, I had a revelation.

There will always be people who don't like me — possibly people who outright hate me.

By trying to cater my life and decisions to everyone other than the one person whose feelings mattered most (ME), I drove myself into an unhappy place in an impossible attempt to make everyone happy. I'd never be able to make everyone happy, and it turns out that that's okay.

I spent so much time trying to get people to like me that I never figured out that wasn't what was best for me. Surprisingly enough, I have figured out that in life, it can actually be a good thing to drive some people away. That may sound weird, but as you drive people away, you get closer to your true self and your ideal people.

Those who love you, who want to be close to you, and who truly value you, are one step closer.

Each person who criticizes your ideas brings you closer to your crowd. Each friend that walks away brings you closer to the people who share your beliefs and passions. Being disliked by some is simply a by-product of being authentic to who you truly are. The more you embody your true persona, the more incompatible people will pull away from you.

All of this is okay because at the same time, the more you adapt yourself to the person you are meant to be, the more like-minded people you'll draw toward you.

So the next time you lose a friend to a difference of opinions, remember that you are not meant for everyone, and that's okay. Being the most authentic version of yourself is the best way for you to be in this amazing life.

Report this Content
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers


Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series


Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?


Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less

14 Last Minute Valentine's Day Gifts Your S.O. Will Love

If they love you, they're not going to care if you didn't get them some expensive diamond necklace or Rolex watch; they just want you.


Let me preface this by saying I am not a bad girlfriend.

I am simply a forgetful one.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

10 Helpful Tips For College Students Taking Online Courses This Semester

Here are several ways to easily pass an online course.

Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels

With spring semester starting, many college students are looking to take courses for the semester. With the pandemic still ongoing, many students are likely looking for the option to take online courses.

Online courses at one time may have seemed like a last minute option for many students, but with the pandemic, they have become more necessary. Online courses can be very different from taking an on-campus course. You may be wondering what the best way to successfully complete an online course is. So, here are 10 helpful tips for any student who is planning on taking online courses this semester!

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments