As the anxiety sets in and the days push closer to the first day of school there’s really nothing else to say except “I can’t believe I’m a Senior…again”. About 4 years ago, I was getting ready for my last year of High School and in 2 weeks I’ll be driving to my last year as an undergrad.
These past few weeks I have been out of it and I couldn’t put my finger on the reason behind all my anxiety and my bad moods. I guess I was completely shutting out the fact that in just a short two weeks, my whole time as an undergrad would be over and reality would really set in. At 18, we were all worried about picking the right schools, deciding on whether or not to commute or dorm, or worried that our roommate would be a complete psycho, but really all of these problems seem so small compared to the anxiety that comes with graduating college.
In these 3 years of my undergrad career, I have learned more about myself and those I surround myself with than I have in my entire 21 years of life. I guess what I’m trying to get out with this piece is, even though I have grown so much throughout my college career, I am petrified to enter this “real” world. It is so scary to know that in just two semesters I’ll be turning the tassel into the actual real world where I don’t have to worry about if I'm going to get the class I want on my schedule or if the Student Center isn’t going to be crowded, so I can sit by myself and write a paper that’s due in 2 hours, but instead I’ll be job hunting and possibly (sorry mom and dad, it won’t be anytime soon) moving out. There’s a lot that comes with growing up and sometimes I truly doubt if I can make it in the “real” world despite all the times people have told me I am destined for greatness.
Graduating is scary and getting old is scarier, because it’s something we just don’t see us being a part of until it actually happens to us. 4 years ago, I never imagined being here writing this piece on how scared I was because honestly I never thought I would be scared. I’m usually very straightforward, I go after what I want, and more importantly I always had a plan to follow, but what I notice in the last couple of weeks where the anxiety is high and the days are inching closer to that first day is that maybe we aren’t suppose to have it all figured out, like ever.
Life is far too short to have a one track mind and maybe what you wanted to do at 18 when you picked your major isn’t exactly what you’re going to when you graduate college at 22 or even when you graduate from grad school at 24. Maybe people will read this and think “well then we are wasting our time” or maybe you’ll think “this girl has got the right idea and agree”, but there are certain things we have to go through to realize that we are going in the right direction because life is not about whether or not we regret the decisions we make it’s about learning from those decisions and moving forward with them. Each decision we make affects our future and even with all this anxiety and even though I’m scared to death of what my future may hold, I know whatever road I choose to take will make all the difference (thank you, Robert Frost).
