Imagine walking into the cafeteria at your school, looking around at all of the people, and feeling this irrational fear. You scan the room frantically looking for a place to sit, but you can’t think clearly through the buzzing in your head. It feels as if every single voice in the cafeteria is in your head, blocking out every rational thought. You scan the room even more frantically now, because it feels like everyone else is looking at you. You realize that you’ve been standing in the same place for a really long time-- or have you? Maybe you’re just overthinking it, but it really does feel like everyone is staring at you. Is it because you’ve been standing in the same place for a long time, or is it something else? Does the outfit I’m wearing look weird? Is there something on my face? For someone with an anxiety disorder, this is everyday life. Everyday activities become bathed in irrational fear and overthinking. You worry about everything before there is even anything to worry about.
Even worse than the cafeteria (and other busy places on campus) are the classes. Every single assignment and due date is basically a panic attack in itself. From the moment you see your schedule at the beginning of the year, you begin to panic. You think things like “this is so much” and “I don’t know how I can do this assignment by this due date” and “I can’t believe all the work this is going to take." It’s not because you’re lazy, or because you don’t like school, the true reason is that it’s emotionally exhausting to try to balance your assignments with everything else in your life that you have to worry about. This is true for everyone to some degree, but for you, it’s terrifying. It can quickly take over your life if you aren’t careful, because these assignments will always be lurking at the back of your mind. Every time you go home for the weekend to see your family, or go to a football game with your friends, you will feel guilty for not studying. You will feel like you aren’t doing your absolute best if you aren’t studying every time you possibly can. Even so, when you choose to study instead of go out with friends, you feel anxious about what they think of you. You might really miss out on a good memory. What if they think you’re lame because you won’t go out with them? No matter what you decide, you are going to stress about your decision for the rest of the day.
College spells disaster for those of us who have anxiety, and some days can be so horrible that you just want to shut yourself in your room and not have to think about any of it. Despite this, it is always worth it. Throughout the semester, I have learned to cope with my anxiety and to work through every problem I have, even if it’s something I made up in my head. Yes, it is difficult, and a lot of people don’t understand, but it’s an experience I wouldn’t trade for the world as it has taught me a lot in the sense that I can now handle my anxiety even among twenty assignments and busy places like the school cafeteria.
