High school is a difficult time for many. Over a course of four years, there is an overwhelming amount of drama, failed homework assignments, and there is an inordinate amount of class time wasted on a day to day basis. What makes a student's high school career even more unbearable--not including the inevitable stress-- is the added weight of mental disorders. Today, more than 20% of children ages 13-18 suffer from mental illnesses including anxiety and depression, the two most common disorders seen around the world.

I'd like to take this opportunity, as we are nearing the Holiday season, to explore an average high school day and how students with depression and anxiety might perceive ordinary experiences differently than an average student. I wanted to write about this now, as Thanksgiving and Christmas are getting closer and closer, because it is statistically more likely that a depressed person will commit suicide in the winter season nearing the new year. As I write this article, I'd like my audience to not only see what I am writing, and to perceive the words, but also to understand how students with this illness feel. I'd also like for you to put yourself in their shoes and to realize what it feels like to have anxiety or depression as a high school student.

My first example is what every high school student does for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week: sit in a classroom. In most cases, the teacher is teaching, the students are listening--not necessarily learning-- and the anxious kids are sitting in the back of the room with their heads in their hands wishing they were somewhere else, anywhere else. Most of the time students with anxiety have a hard time paying attention in class or focusing on the subject at hand, more often than not, their minds are wandering. As soon as their attention is drawn back into what their teacher is talking about, almost immediately, the anxiety sets in. At first it starts with the student attacking themselves saying "why aren't you paying attention," "if you don't pay attention you won't know what's on the next test," "oh my god, when is the next test?" The inevitable spiral of despair starts there and continues on with thoughts like, "if I don't pass the test then I won't get a good grade. My parents are going to see my grades, they're going to be so angry, what will they say? What will they do?"

Once the student starts worrying about their parents and their home life, it only gets worse thinking about their future hopes and dreams and plans, whether or not thy can achieve them by not paying attention in class.

On the other hand, in this same situation, a student with depression might be sitting in the front of the class, hearing what the teacher is saying, but not listening to a single word. That student most likely doesn't care about the class or what they're learning or even the fact that they are in school, they probably just want to go home, to stay out of the bright spotlight of school where everyone wonders and whispers. These students don't see the point of learning anyway if they have lost interest in their high school career or even their college career, I mean, why try when you know someone else will do better than you and rub it in your face and make you feel worse about yourself than you already do. This student is most likely doodling on his paper or is coloring on her hands with sharpies, looking for something to entertain them until the school day comes to an end, anything to leave.

Now, keep in mind what it might feel like to a student who has both anxiety and depression. Imagine the feelings of contradiction inside this person and how everything they think is at war with itself. Imagine if every thought was along the lines of:

"why should i do this, it doesn't matter anyway, it doesn't interest me?"

"You have to do this because if you don't your grades will be awful and you won't get into college and your parents will hate you and I will hate you."

"What could I do to myself that would make me hate me anymore than I already do? Who cares if my grades are terrible?"

"You do because you have hopes and dreams and plans and your family will terrorize you until you pull your grades up."

Could you imagine having a constant internal battle with yourself every minute of every day? Me either.

My second example of an average, every day situation is: sitting with friends during lunch. Most high school students have a group of friends that sit together during lunch. Lunch is the time to decompress from morning classes and to prepare yourself for anything coming in the afternoon. Lunch is a time to socialize and gossip and to listen to music alone if you're feeling moody. However, someone with anxiety or depression might feel differently.

The conversation in your head might start like this:

"I just want to sit here alone and listen to music, I'm not feeling 100% today, I just want a moment of down-time from these constant conversations and distractions. I want a break from everyone and their incessant babble. I want to not talk to anyone and just finish my work, I have a lot I need to get done before my next class, not to mention I have two tests following. But if I don't talk to my friends they might think something is wrong and try to talk to me more. Maybe if I stop talking to them they might think I don't like them or maybe they won't like me and then I won't have any friends to sit with. If I did that I would be all alone. But... if I am all alone then i wouldn't have to worry about talking to them and I wouldn't have to worry about making plans or keeping their friendships and spending more time and money with them doing things I probably don't like to do. But then again, If I don't talk to anyone and decide to be that "loner" then I might start looking strange and won't have any hope for making new friends or having anyone to talk to."

Again, a constant internal battle with myself seems exhausting, I couldn't bare to fight myself 24/7. I could go on and on about how anxiety and depression are crippling, especially for a high school senior trying to get accepted into college, but I think these two examples speak for themselves. It is an unbearable burden to have to consistently keep up with yourself and convince yourself to do what is right and to stay positive. It is an unbelievably hard way to live life.

In these coming months, as the winter season approaches and as family flies in from around the world to be with you, don't forget to think of what they are dealing with and how their lives might be different form yours. Please go easy on your children and your family members, all they need is a short break from their stressful lives as a student or a stay-at-home-mom or CEO of an insurance company. Everyone struggles with their own issues, and you never know how much a hug on Christmas or how much a kiss on the cheek at Thanksgiving can mean to someone struggling with anxiety or depression. They need someone to understand and to be there to help. They need a break every now and again, just to feel like they are loved and that they have nothing to worry about.

That is what this giving season is all about. Happy Holidays.