I recently saw my doctor for yet another medication change. You see, I've been on antidepressants for about a year and a half now. I've struggled with bouts of depression for many years, but my sophomore year of college I'd had enough and I asked my doctor about antidepressants. After explaining my symptoms and taking a few tests she agreed that I'd probably benefit from taking antidepressants. I started my journey with antidepressants by taking a commonly known medication called Lexapro. It took a few months to find the right dosage, but after that it to make my depression manageable. I still had bad days once in a while, but for the most part I felt normal.
That all changed last fall when my depression came back in full force like a hurricane. I don't know if my body started rejecting the medication I was currently on or if something else was going on, so I decided to make an appointment with my doctor. At the appointment they took some blood to see if anything showed up there, but they came back normal, so we decided to give the Lexapro one more chance by upping the dose. Unfortunately it didn't help, so then we switched to Zoloft and upped the dose on that after a month. I was on the upped dose of Zoloft for two months and it actually made my depression worse rather than better. After going through all these medication changes and the side effects that go along with them I was about ready to give up on antidepressants. It's not that I'm against them because I've heard countless stories about how once you find the right one it can make a world of difference, but I started feeling really hopeless because I thought I'd never be able to manage my depression.
A few weeks ago I ended up mustering up the courage to make an appointment with my doctor to discuss my medication. Part of me didn't want to see her because I just didn't have any fight left in me, but then the rest of me knew I had to do it if I wanted to get better, so I had an appointment with her three days ago. Every time I go they give me a depression questionnaire, so I filled it out and my doctor said I fell into the moderate to severe depression area. I know my depression is bad, but it's mind boggling hearing someone else say that about me.
After we talked a little we came to the conclusion that I wanted to try a different medication, so she put me on Prozac. I have no idea if it's going to work or not, but I have to have hope that eventually we'll find something that works. The biggest thing that I wish people would understand about clinical depression is it's an actual chemical imbalance in your brain. It's not just always focusing on the negative things happening in the world. I wish I could explain my depression in simple terms so my loved ones could understand what I'm going through, but I truly feel like it's something you can only understand if you've been through it. So to everyone out there that doesn't see the need for antidepressants, I hope you never have to experience depression, but I also hope that you can be accepting of those who take antidepressants to manage their depression.
