Dear reader,

Many of us know the feeling. You look in the mirror and frown at your appearance, wishing that you were taller, skinnier, or more attractive. You get back a test grade and tell yourself, “I’m so stupid — I could’ve done better.” You see someone who excels in making friends and you wish you could navigate social situations with that level of ease.

I struggle with the constant affliction of self-criticism. Self-criticism is the voice in my head that tells me to stay up late to do work even when I’m past the point of exhaustion. It is the voice that focuses on all my character flaws and berates me for being selfish, awkward, and not empathetic
— even if I’m not. It is the voice that tells me that I am incompetent and that I need to improve in order to feel valid.

Self-acceptance is the antithesis to self-criticism. It is not the belief that there is nothing you can do to change yourself, or that you are destined to a certain fate. Rather, it is seeing yourself for exactly who you are and learning to love yourself; this encompasses your strengths, weaknesses, tendencies, personality, and achievements. It is about self-motivation, not self-rejection; self-respect, not self-hate.

Here are a few thoughts I keep in mind when I’m dwelling in self-doubt. I hope that, one day, you will be able to say these to yourself with absolute conviction and sincerity:

1. You are beautiful the way you are. There is nobody that you need to impress. You are more than enough.
2. Just because you made a mistake does not make you a bad person. Don’t blame or punish yourself.
3. You are not lesser than anyone else. Flourish in your strengths and respect your weaknesses. Work on improving your weaknesses but do not despair in them.
4. You are so brave for facing the world every day. Thank you for getting back up every time you’ve fallen. You’re that much stronger each time you choose to stand again.
5. No one really knows what they’re doing. You don’t need to have it all figured out.
6. There is only one you in the whole world. You are unbelievably unique.
7. You are deserving of unconditional love, respect, care, and appreciation.
8. And, there is someone in your life who cares about you more than you care about yourself. You just have to open your eyes and recognize it.

I know that this is harder to embrace than I make it out to be. After all, we are the number-one experts on our own shortcomings. But, self-acceptance is not narcissism or self-indulgence. It is a means of creating the life you desire and building confidence. After all, you’re the only person that’s been with you since the day you were born and will be with you until the end — it might be helpful to be a good friend to that person.

Love,

Anna