If you have ever loved someone with any form of alcohol or drug addiction, you know how much it can break you down. It’s mentally exhausting to watch someone continue to deteriorate their body over and over again. You want to help, you try with every ounce of energy you have, but it’s like talking to a brick wall. They don’t see what they’re doing to their lives and your love isn't enough to wake them up. It ruins every moment spent with them, the awkward elephant in the room, looming over your thoughts as you wonder how much they drank or used before you woke up. It’s a personal hell, stuck somewhere between fury and unconditional love. In moments of weakness, here’s what you need to remember:
You can only do so much.
You won’t stop trying to help, as you damn well shouldn't, but this isn't your battle. They are the only ones that can change it and will only make the moves to do so when they are ready. You can drag a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.
They still love you.
It’s a selfish disease, one that blinds you to the people you’re hurting, but that doesn't take away from the amount of love they have for you. It's hard not to think that if they sincerely loved you, they would change their ways, but that's just not how it works. Their ignorance to your pain does not equate to how they feel for you.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Rehabilitation is a beautiful thing. It’s not easy -- actually, it never is -- but it is utterly possible. Sure, people relapse (studies show it ranges from 50-90%), but your loved one doesn't have to be part of the statistic. Great support systems make all the difference.
Don’t give up.
Please, do not give up on them. There is life after addiction. Let me tell you -- I've seen it and my God, is it amazing. There is no better feeling than getting back the person you thought you might have lost forever.
Lastly and most importantly: You are not alone.
Web MD reported that more than two thirds of families have been touched by addiction. 74% of those people are ashamed to talk about it. It’s a hushed topic in our culture; we’re taught to hide our issues. Don’t feel the need to hide a burden this heavy. You need just as much support through this battle as the person you’re helping.
Sincerely,
One of the many affected
