After all of the tears that I’ve shed because of you, I never thought that I’d be thanking you or even grateful for anything that happened. Experiencing arguments with friends in elementary school, middle school, and high school is inevitable. Not every friendship is meant to work out. The world is simply made up of too many different kinds of people for everyone to get along. The scary part however, is not knowing at the time when you are so close to someone how ultimately hurt you can be in the future. Breaking up with a best friend is almost worse than with a boyfriend or girlfriend because the one person you could talk to on subjects of all matter.
Words are powerful. Here I am, sitting here writing, hoping my words are making some form of an impact on someone out there. I always hope that my words are being used for something positive and good. The worst thing about going through pre-teen to teenage years is that there are so many changes with a change in school environment, maybe activities, new friends, old friends. Bad words resonate with you, often more than the good ones.
Insecurities are also inevitable and not a single person can say they don’t have them. Trying to scare away these insecurities whether they developed from your own anxiety or someone else's words, is difficult. Criticism hurts. It is difficult to hear something bad about yourself and shake it off. It is difficult every time you go to speak, sensor every thought before they turn into words keeping in the back of your head what someone else said was wrong with you. It is difficult to see someone who you once said was your "bffl" doing similar things with similar people and to try and understand where we went wrong, and think about all of the things we shared with each other. Friendships brings out the best and worst in people.
But, thank you. It has taken me years to realize that every time I wasn’t invited to go out with my friends, it doesn't mean that they don’t want me there, and they aren't just going to cut me off from their life. You have showed me what a temporary friendship is, and how to move on when there is nothing that will save a friendship. I can recognize the value of my friends who appreciate me in their life and love me unconditionally, and see the good in me that I once lost.
As much resentment I hold over what happened between us, I will still hold a special place for the memories we shared. I remember all of the negative feelings that came with our “break-up” but also will not neglect the fact that at a time you did make my life enjoyable and gave me the gift of friendship. People come in and out of our lives and sometimes we can’t pinpoint what their impact was, the lessons we have learned, or why they left. It isn’t so concrete to assign a lesson to each person that is no longer there. I know that we will always wish each other all of our best in the future, because even after pain and hardship, some things will never change.
