Do you remember me? I’m the little girl who was so excited about getting glasses. They were round with pink frames and I thought they were awesome. You said I looked like a nerd. I went home that day and told my mom I did not want to wear them anymore. I was five. I’m the girl on the playground you made fun of for her ears being too big. Your words and actions sent me to the girl’s bathroom in tears. I was ten. I am the girl who sat in front of you in English class who was always raising her hand and reading a new book. You called me “teacher’s pet” and told me that “reading is stupid”. I was seventeen.
I have been picked on and bullied by you from the age of five to almost eighteen. I can tell you that there is not a day that goes by that I don’t remember at least one of the many encounters I have had with you. I remember the day you would not stop making fun of me in class, so I asked to go to the bathroom. Once I got there, I let the tears I had been keeping at bay roll freely from my eyes. Why did it have to hurt so much? Why was I being victimized for something I cannot control? What is so wrong with having glasses, having big ears, loving to read, or enjoying English class? Why me?
I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have cried because of what you did to me. I want to push all of those terrible memories out of my brain and forget them, but I can’t. They are a part of me and who I am.
I am a fighter. I have been putting up with people who want to douse my flame ever since I was little. I am stronger now because of you. I am stronger because of what I have experienced. I am more empathetic and I can relate to others who have been bullied. I have started to love who I am, even though for so many years I didn’t. This does not justify what you did to me or what you have done to others like me. Your bullying has left me broken, but I have found people who are helping me glue the pieces back together. It’s not an easy process, because some of the pieces are shattered in multiple places.
Bullying leaves a person feeling helpless and incredibly lost and broken. You don’t know who you can actually be yourself around and you don’t know who to turn to. There are sleepless nights. There are days where you come home from school and do nothing but sleep, because you are physically and mentally exhausted.
I am tired. I’m tired of being upset, angry, frustrated, helpless, and lost.
I forgive you. I forgive you for everything. For every nasty comment, for every cruel nickname, for every side remark only I could hear, for every sleepless night, for every tear, I forgive you.
Please know that this is insanely hard for me to do, but I want to forgive you. I don’t want to label you anymore as the person who made school absolute hell for me. I only hope that you can understand that I am not trying to make you feel horrible. I don’t want you to feel that way and I would never wish any harm upon you. I want you to understand that what you did to me was terrible and that I am ready to forgive you. I hope that one day; you can forgive yourselves and understand that you should not douse people’s flames, but help them burn brighter. Everyone should have their chance to shine brightly, even you.
Sincerely,
An acquaintance
