An Open Letter To The Man Who Doesn't Deserve To Pick Up The Pieces,
First and foremost, and probably the most important point I want you to gain from this, is to please know that in no way do I think of you as being in the same category as those before you. I absolutely do not ever mean to make you feel as if I am comparing you or holding you to the same standard as those who have caused me pain because you undoubtedly are one of a kind and a breath of fresh air to say the very least.
I know you are not the same as those of my past, the perpetrators that created this amount of insecurity and mistrust. Please never take my unsolicited silences, momentary hesitance and temporary emotional unavailability as a personal shot to your character or the chance at love that you've given me. A chance that I never thought I'd have the opportunity to experience. A chance that I never thought I'd ever give to anyone ever again. I'm sorry if this is ever difficult for you to process or if you mistakenly believe that you are at fault for these moments. Sometimes I have moments of weakness where I am overwhelmed with fear and trauma, paralyzed with the thought of you leaving or perhaps mistreating me as I once was. I hope you can accept that this is not about any other person, as nobody crosses my mind other than you. Not even about what they specifically have said or done, but rather a battle with remembering my self-worth after internalizing these wounds and creating a false view of love based on negative ideals that I have been given.
Despite these fears, I vow to treat you with the utmost love, respect and the most trust that I am able to offer. I refuse to let the past hinder the chance that you deserve as well; one with a clean slate, no prior presumptions or accusations and an open heart. I refuse to sabotage something as beautiful as this.
To be vulnerable is a scary thing. One of the scariest things I've ever had to do, as a matter of fact. To lose control and hand you the reigns requires a lot of strength. My independence was comforting, but you've shown me how much more fulfilling it is with you by my side to share things with. The walls that I built around my heart were secure, but the light that you let in when you knocked them down proved to be a much suitable environment for growth. I have been bruised and broken, and although that has nothing to do with you, you chose to come in with all these staples and glue, attempting to mend the pieces that make up this heart—a project you never asked for, I'm sure. Yet you do it with a smile, and you do it successfully, and you make me more and more whole as each day passes. For this, and for simply being the irreplaceable you that you are, I promise that I will love you even more and even harder.
So, thank you for showing me the meaning of true love. Thank you for showing me that a healthy relationship is the only relationship worth having. Thank you for proving to me that your patience, reciprocity and admiration are genuine and constant. For reminding me daily how deserving I am of receiving them. Thank you for loving me and thank you for being you. All that I ask is that you please be gentle with me, as I am still healing, but that you keep in mind that nothing before you matters to me, from this point on, and I optimistically look forward to the future of us.
Love Always,
The Girl That You Put Back Together
