Hey Grandma,

It's been a while. I don't know where we go after we die on this Earth, or if we go anywhere at all, but if somehow you're watching over me as I'm writing this I hope you're doing well.

I remember the day we lost you. Mom and Dad went to the hospital all day long with Aunt Kim to be with you. Jordan, Emily, and I were across the street at our neighbor's house. It was a fun day. We played outside for a long time and then we played tons of games inside too. Mom and Dad finally got home later than we expected. Jordan, Emily, and I had all fallen asleep at Joan's house when they picked us up. They walked us home and sat us on the couch. I knew something wasn't right. Then they told us the news that would change my life forever: you were gone.

I always knew losing you one day would be one of the toughest things I've ever had to deal with, but losing you when I was just 10 years old made it even worse. You didn't get to see me grow up. You were with me from my first few days of life and watched me grow into a playful little girl, but you never got to see me mature into a successful young lady. You never got to see me finish elementary school let alone middle school, high school, or college. You never got to tell me stories of your youth I was too naive to understand before. I never got to talk to you about how you met Grandpa, to ask what Dad and Aunt Kim were like as teenagers, or to ask you for advice on things throughout my life.

I go through big moments in my life, and every time you come to mind. I imagine how happy and proud you would be of me. It's been 10 years since I lost you and I still always think about you. It hits me a lot when I think about my future. You won't be here for my wedding, you won't be here to meet your great-grandchildren, you won't be here to see any of your grandchildren grow into adulthood. Though you weren't there, at my high school graduation I imagined you smiling and telling me how proud you are; the same goes for when I make the Dean's List, and it will be the same for when I graduate with my BA. I wish you could be here with me to experience these moments with me, but I take solace in knowing that you would be proud of the person I have become.

Though you are not physically here, you are always with me. Little things remind me of you everyday. Whether it's a simple sunflower, or someone is telling a story about their own grandmother I always think about the amazing times we shared. I can not imagine what my childhood would have been like without you there. You were my best friend. Your house was my go to get-away place. Holidays felt right at your house. Christmas time was always my favorite time of year, and I credit a lot of that to you. I loved going to your house every Christmas Eve to celebrate with you, Papa, Dad, Mom, Jordan, Emily, Aunt Kim, Uncle Bob, Zack and Peyton. Those will always be some of my favorite memories.

Your birthday is coming up, that's why I wanted to say hey. I miss you a lot, each and everyday. Though it's been 10 years since I lost you, it feels like it was just yesterday that I was sitting in the playroom in your condo putting makeup on you and doing your hair. Though I lost you early, I'm glad I got to have you in my life at all. You were a great influence on me, a wonderful role model. Being your oldest grandchild means I got to enjoy you the longest, but I know you impacted us all greatly.

I love you so much. Happy birthday Grandma, rest easy.