I'm not going to lie, the past few months have not been easy without you around. Losing you was one of the hardest things I ever had to go through. There aren't enough words in the world to explain how much I miss and love you. Life here hasn't been the same since you left us. So much has changed since you've been gone. It feels like a part of our family is missing, and I don't think that will ever go away.
I often catch myself reminiscing on memories that I will always hold in my heart. You lived every single day of your life cracking jokes, running the streets and laughing. I never imagined that one day you'd be gone. I felt like I didn't have to worry about it. But then one day, you were gone.
And then everything changed. Suddenly, there was a lot less laughter in my life and a lot fewer smiles. I went from seeing you every day, to never seeing you again. Never being able to hug you and tell you how much I love you. I hate that I had to lose you at such a young age. I am old enough to remember your smell of your black suede cologne and remember all the crazy things you said. But I was too young for you to get to know the real me. I'm still trying to figure out who that girl is.
I wish you could have called me the night before my first day of school and prayed for me like you always did, and I wish I could get your calls around 4 p.m. asking how my day at school was. I always thought you'd be here to see me walk when I graduate college or see me say "I do" to the love of my life.
I wish you could be sitting in the church as I give my vows and promise to love my future husband as deeply as you loved me and our entire family. I wish that you were around to hear that we still talk about you. We still laugh about stories from all the crazy things that you did like the one time we went to Nordstrom. I wish you could hear us all trying to impersonate the way you said things.
I want you to know that we think about you every day and I'm sure you would be very proud of the woman that I am growing up to be. I wish heaven had visiting hours, I would be there every single day. There is a void in my heart that only you could fill, and that emptiness will be there forever.
I love you so much Grandpa, and next time when I look in your eyes we'll have wings and we'll fly.
Until I see you again,