To the girl who's heart has been shattered,
Your heart is probably still in your stomach, or in my case, I could see it nearly beating out of my chest when I found out. You're questioning what those months or years meant to him, when they meant everything to you. You're wondering how she could be on the other end of it, when your relationships was known. It's not like it wasn't new to the world. You're wondering what you did to push him to look elsewhere when you were there with endless hugs, kisses, love, and support for someone you made your whole world.
Your whole world, shattered in seconds.
He probably told you he had cheated in the past, but he reassured you that he had learned his lesson. You were reluctant opening your heart to him because of everything that happened before, and it all seemed so good, until the littlest things started seeming off. When he was on his phone late at night texting his "friends" or "mom" or when he couldn't stay out with you or over at your place suddenly, you started to feel the distance forming but didn't know what was up. Then you saw the texts, and your heart broke.
You'll never get an answer as to why they cheated, and they'll beg you to stay; they promise they'll change. You're going to want to stay. You've put in so much work with this person: given them your whole heart, told them your deepest secrets, let them see a side of you that you usually keep locked away. Nobody wants to have to build that connection again. So you consider staying. They can change...right?
Your mind also reminds you of what you're feeling right now: the pain, the betrayal, the disrespect. How could someone who claimed they "loved" you so much, do this if they really loved you? Then you think of the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater," and you feel like such a fool. You know in your head that you've got to leave.
Take it from me, ladies. Leave. I stayed for another six months, and the only thing you're going to do is question every last thing and drive yourself mad and miserable. Give yourself time to heal. Give him time to recognize his mistake, to miss you. If it's meant to be, you'll come back together eventually, but I'll be the first of many to tell you that you deserve so much better.
It will take time to heal, and it will hurt like hell.
You're going to blame yourself, but know there's nothing you could have done differently to stop him. In no way is this your fault. You are one kick ass, beautiful, hilarious, sweet, and caring girl. Trust me, it's his loss.
You're going to cry. He'll text you on your birthday, and you'll lose it. You'll see his mom at the grocery store and leave your cart where it is, go to your car, and bawl. You'll see that he's talking to a new girl after a couple months, and you'll hole yourself up in your apartment, binge-watching stupid romantic movies that always have the perfect endings. (Seriously though, will a movie ever end realistically where the two main characters don't end up together for once?)
It gets better.
Go out with your friends - have a few drinks and go dance your butt off. Adventure - do things and go places that he wouldn't have ever gone with you. Spoil yourself - buy that dress with the cut-outs that you aren't sure you could rock, because you can! Learn to love yourself again. There's so much freedom and independence to be had, honey.
And always remember, there is someone out there for you. You are still so young and there are a million fish in the sea. One of those cute fishes is meant for you, and he'll respect you, recognize your past, and give you better. Until then, work on your goals and dreams and love yourself.
Love,
The girl who's been in your shoes
