When people normally write letters to their ex, it is around the same time of the break up. Give or take a few days. Maybe a week. But for me, I waited a few years. You see, my last serious boyfriend of three years cheated on me with a few friends of mine. It took me a while to process what I should say.

In any given situation, a nice long cursing out would work. But I never got the chance. I kept my distance. I shrugged off the emotion. I reeled back my anger. But now it’s my time to tell the world what I felt and what I am feeling. Here is what I want to say to you.

You left me in a state of doubt and self-consciousness. I was in pieces for too long. There were sharp, broken pieces left in me that made it hard to breathe sometimes. But I am still standing. I am finally whole, and I’m so much better than the girl you thought you knew.

We had love. It didn’t matter if it was mature or not but it was visible. It was distinct. It was overwhelming love. It was fun and youthful. But you couldn’t be trusted. Because of the foolish and selfish acts that you adored so much. I said I would be mature about this. But you were the one to tell me and others that I was crazy and cold hearted. In no way was that fair.

But you cheated on me. The girl who meant something to you one way or another. A girl who was willing to stand by you through everything and anything. The girl who had confidence for you and not for herself. If you loved me at all, if you cared for me at all, you would have said something. But you didn’t and that is one of the worst parts of it.

You don’t get to choose who you love. But you do get to choose to not be a bitter, dishonest person.

You led me to believe that our problems weren’t skin deep. It was like we weren’t scarred by the demons of the world. That we were okay. I was sitting there, believing that our love was the one from fairytales. The love that I witnessed was the deep devotion to you and your ass of an ego.

What hurts the most is that I trusted you and only you.

I trusted you with parts of me that were untouched, unscathed, and unseen from the world. I let you into my world and you didn’t care. That was everything to me. That meant something. By the end, every time I held your hand I felt something slipping further and further away. You slipped away and so did any aspect of trust that I had.

Now, I am sitting here, struggling to let anyone in. Now all I have are built up barriers and a longing for loneliness.

So here, I am. Telling you that though there are some flaws that are connected to me, I am still a stronger person than you. I actually care about the people around me. I care so much that I am willing to tell them the truth and would never betray them. I am a selfless being who no longer cries for weak relationships like ours.

No tears will match your ignorance. No act of selfishness will match your sordid character. No act of revenge will bring you back to me. You’re not worth my time anymore. You were never worth my love. You were and always will be a cheater.