Monday, May 4th, 2015. I haven’t quite decided if this was the worst day of my life or the beginning of the best days I’ll ever have. Either way, it is, and always will be, the day I said goodbye to the love of my life. My whole life changed. People still ask me what happened, how I’m doing and how I survived. I see the pity in their eyes as they apologize for her, as they mourn the end of my engagement.
This is for all of those who have felt the pain of a breakup. You. Will. Survive.
I know right now you feel shattered, like the world has ended, like the universe has turned against you. I want to tell you that you are allowed to feel this way. Please, please do not try to hide your pain. You have no reason to be embarrassed. I also want to tell you, though, that the pain will fade. I do not know that it will ever go away, but I know that you will become stronger. Someone I love very dearly once told me that perspective was everything. I don’t think she knew in that moment that those would be the words that saved me.
I used to think that my life ended with my engagement. I was wrong. I needed to stop looking at my relationship as a failure and start looking at it like a lesson. I am honored to have had the chance to love someone. For me, changing my perspective changed everything. I also learned that some of the advice that people give is terrible. I did not rebound, and I encourage you to do the same. The quickest way to get over someone is not to get under another. You are cheapening your pain and you are, in turn, cheapening yourself. You are better than that. You are beautiful and strong and you do not need someone else to help you get through this. Use this time to find yourself. You need to discover who you are outside of the relationship because trust me, it will not be the same person you were before. I hope that you let this breakup mold you into someone you are proud of.
The best piece of advice I can give you is to travel. I know this seems odd, but it is so revitalizing. I moved across the country the summer after my breakup. It reminded me that the world was so much bigger than I was. If you are blessed enough to be able to travel outside of the country, do it. Volunteer. Helping someone else in need will lift them up and heal you in ways you cannot imagine right now. You are not defined by your breakup. You are not a terrible person because someone didn’t love you enough to stay. Experience the natural beauty of this world. Look into the stars and know that your life is so far from over.
I do not want you to think that this breakup will not be difficult for you. For me, loving her was the most amazing experience of my life. Therefore, our breakup was absolutely the most horrifying thing that has ever happened to me. I was unaware that a single person could feel such pain, such heartbreak, and survive it. My heart was broken so viciously that it felt like my whole chest collapsed. Some days I still feel like I can’t breathe. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Loving someone the way I loved her is something that I pray every person in the world gets to experience.
Give yourself to someone. Give everything. Don’t hold back. It’s worth it to fall, fall so hard you may never recover. It enlightens you. Loving someone so purely is the reason we were born. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love her. I always will. I do not regret it. I am not ashamed that it didn’t work out. I am proud that I gave my soul to someone else and I’ll never ask for it back. Our engagement ended but it was not a failure. We owe ourselves, our successes, our new lives, to each other. We are forever connected. Perspective is everything.
I promise you that the best days of your life are yet to come. Your broken heart will change you but not necessarily for the worst. You get to choose what happens now and these are the moments that define you. Become someone you are proud of. You are going to make it.