Dear Angel,

The common saying, "You don't know what you have until it's gone" never really took meaning to my life until I lost you. You should be ten years old, but that raging fire claimed your life exactly three years ago today. I will admit that I was selfish. I expected you to always be there, so I was more focused on my life than yours. I was so concerned with creating a life for the future, that I forgot to live the one that I had at that moment. I was determined to make my life perfect, but I did not realize it already was. I knew how special you were, and I knew that I meant something to you. I was the only one in my family that you showed your secret hiding spot to. It initially seemed like a small gesture at first, but looking back it, that was your way of reaching out to me. I let you down. You wanted me in your life, but I was too busy to be in it. I never meant to disappoint you. It was because I never expected for something this heinous to happen to you, but that was an error of judgment on my part. It breaks my heart that I did not appreciate you while you were still here with me, but I promise to devote the rest of my life to cherishing your memory.

I do not believe in regrets. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and that reason is to help you find yourself. I thought I already had everything figured out when you were alive. I had my career picked out, I had friends that actually wanted to spend time with me, and I was going to college. I was wrong though because I was in denial. My life was not as perfect as I wanted to believe. I failed to connect with my peers, my so called "friends" were stunting my growth, and I hit a rough patch with my family. I did not realize that I was lost until it was too late. There always felt like there was something missing from my life, and it turns out that part of it was you. I never expected to lose you because I could not fathom how someone so good and innocent could disappear with no warning, but your death taught me that life is not fair. I'm sorry that my ignorance caused me to take you for granted. I'm also sorry that I never really got to know you. That is something that I have to live with for the rest of my life.

There are so many things that I wish I knew about you. I often find myself jealous of those who were close to you because they know everything about you. I do not know your favorite color or your favorite television show. I do not know if you played any sports and if so, what position you played. It kills me that I do not know what you wanted to be when you grew up. It pains me that I cannot watch you make your dreams come true. I am sure that you would have achieved great things.

I like to think that you are watching over me. Since your death, I have worked very hard to make you proud. I finally worked up the courage to cut toxic people out of my life, and I have become a certified teacher. I have surrounded myself with positive people that inspire me to become the best version of myself- the one that you deserved. Most importantly though, I always put family first. I have never missed any important holidays or birthdays. I have learned that family is one of the most important things in my life, and I will never forget that again. I have become particularly close with my nephew, Trey. You would have gotten along with him. Trey is special, and I never pass up an opportunity to tell him how special he is and that I love him. His smile awakens a part of me that I thought I lost forever when you died.

Until we meet again.

Love,

The person whose life you changed forever.