in a week from now, i am going to college!
as a matter of fact, i will be moving- for the second time in my life.
but unlike my first move the summer before second grade, this time around my move is entirely my decision.
but even though my move is my decision, i can’t say i am in control of this whole move situtation.
i dont get to chose my actual living location, or those living around me, or the actual furniture that comes in my room, or even the colour of my walls, to say the least. i’m not going to get to control my move- in day, with all its bustling insanity.
and i am not going to lie, i am so scared of that.
scared of not knowing what is going to happen in my day, hour to hour.
not knowing who i will meet, who will just pop up in my life.
not knowing how i'll feel about my classes.
so many flooding feelings.
what to do?
I will be residing in Brooks Hall, the oldest residency hall on Barnard’s campus. Since 1907, Brooks has welcomed 147 anxious first year students who have not known what their move in days would be like, who didn't have the ability to control what exactly was going to happen with their days, who didn’t get to control the colour of their dorm walls.
such feelings of ambivalence or fear or anxiousness that quite a few of my friends are feeling as well are just a “rite of passage”- of Actually Growing Up.
Actually Growing Up is actually very scary…and this is just the beginning of it.
but what i have been telling myself daily is just that i have to take it one day at a time, nothing more.
this can help you enjoy any good that may be actually coming to you in your day - your day that you can’t really control.
there are so many other people who have moved in before us, who have made that giant leap of adjustment to College Life. this is all natural, and all our emotions are natural and it is good to feel them.
feelings are what make you human, and even though the feelings you are experiencing aren’t necessarily the feelings you'd like to experience (like missing home, being anxious), they color this fresh adventure.
so maybe it’s better to accept the fact that you don’t know what is going to happen.
but, it’ll be okay. day by day, little by little.
