Sometimes I don't even know how we got here. Sure you never knew my favorite color as a child or my cool hobbies but you still absolutely adored me, and I thank you for every minute of that affection. I'll never forget your signature grandpa smell or the way you laughed like Santa Claus.
Even though we were never very close I still enjoyed the times spent with you. Those long afternoons driving people around, going to the meat lockers and laughing about silly words you'd made up to sing to me, will always leave a big ole smile in the back of my mind. You really did leave an impact on my childhood. I just wish we had the opportunity to talk about my boyfriend now, and my exciting teacher career ahead-- I know you'd be proud if you could understand, Papaw.
I just can't figure out how we got here. Our lives are scattered so terribly apart right now and I want nothing more than to tell you just how bittersweet my adult experience has been. I want you to be proud of my goals I've set for myself, and my dreams but I just don't know how to share them with you anymore.
I'm so sorry it came to this but I love you so much. I hate that the only times we cross paths is whenever you are in the hospital, or there is a family emergency. I wish I could freeze time back when you would embarrass me in Walmart with your fake turning signals whenever you'd sit on the scooter. You are such a great person and so many people got the chance to experience that humor you held and still do!
Maybe in another life it'd be different but for now I wish you the absolute best with whatever life gives you right now. Please, don't be hurt that I don't try harder because I don't know how to. Everytime I see you I'm afraid I'm going to lose you and the last thing I want to ever do is confuse you. One thing will always remain the same, you'll be my grandpa.
So, this is why I'll nod my head when you ask me how high school has been, or how my job at Arby's is going...I know you try so hard and I see that and I thank you for that; I just wish it could be different.
It's the days whenever I see other kids with their grandpa's laughing at their house about some joke or hearing someone ramble on and on how their day was that I wish we had the chance to become closer. I wish we could just pick up the broken pieces that have somehow scattered over the years but we cannot and I don't blame you for that. I love you and I will always hold the precious moments we do have very dear.
I love you grandpa, I really do, but for now I suppose I'll continue to be me and you try to be you.
Love,
Your Granddaughter
