Dear Big Sister,
Hi. I miss you. I miss you in the morning. I miss you all day long. I miss you at night. I even miss you in my dreams. I cry when no one is around because I'm tired of getting those "I'm sorry" looks. I used to not be able to talk about you at all, but now I'm starting to be able too. When you first left I literally felt my heart break. The feeling that I could never fully explain to others, but the same feeling I still feel the sting of till this day.
I went to a really dark place when you weren't around anymore. Our room was too quiet without you, and no one understood what I was going through. I snapped out of that darkness though when I finally figured out that you wouldn't be proud of me. So I began to live in honor of you. Doing everything I could to live life to the fullest. I still made a lot of mistakes at first, but I found my way. I still think about our last weekend together and wish that I hugged you more, told you how much you meant to me, explain to you how much I wanted to be exactly like my big sister. But then you were just gone. Taken away forever.
It's not all sad thoughts when I think about you though. I remember the nights we spent laughing, that day we gave your face a "makeover", or how you told mom I was the smartest one in the family. These memories keep me smiling. I've meet people who understand what I've gone through, I don't feel as alone anymore. I will always be missing a piece of my heart though.
I still think about what life would be like if you were still here. If you were able to watch me graduate high school, getting accepted and going away to college, celebrate my 21st birthday with me, or even have the chance to be the maid of honor on my wedding day. These thoughts are the ones that truly make my heart ache, but I know you're watching.
As time goes on I realize that losing you was and always will be the hardest obstacle I'll face. It made me stronger, showed me how to love harder, live fully, laugh often, and to let go of things that hold me back. So thank you. Thank you for teaching me still even though it's no longer face to face.
I'm sorry I don't go and visit you very often, it's still really hard for me. Mom keeps your spot looking beautiful as always, she’s good at that. We all miss you so much, we're broken but still holding it together. It's especially hard around this time of year. The holidays used to be my favorite, but now they just feel incomplete. You should be here. I almost can't remember what life used to be like when I wasn't always hurting.
I've gotten good at pretending everything is okay, I guess that's just how I get by. With time it has been a little easier. I've grown a lot since you left, experienced even more and I know you're watching over me during it all. I'm lucky to have such an amazing guardian angel like you. I'm also sorry it took me so long to write this letter to you, it's just after 8 years I have finally worked up the courage to say how I feel.
I love you. I miss you. You used to say I was your shining star, and now you're mine.
Love,
Your Little Sister.
