Dear my long lost friend,
Hey there, how are you? How’s life these days? Are you where you want to be, are you happy? It seems I hardly know you anymore yet I have known you since we were 12 years old, sitting in sixth grade together. I was so angry at first because I already had a best friend and the teacher separated us and made me sit next to you. Funny how the tables turn because then you became my best friend as she found other “cooler” people to talk to. It all started back in 2007, and yeah, I still know you but we lost that best friend connection, in fact you took that label from me and gave it to a guy who you are no longer with but it’s OK, I understand. I just felt like writing to you to reflect on some memories and see if maybe you miss them too.
Remember how I would sleep over days in a row, we would watch movies, listen to music and draw for hours and talk about people who thought they were so much better than us. If I slept over on a Saturday, Sunday morning we would get up and play Super Mario with your sister and dad because he didn’t have to work that day. I loved that but at the same time I hated it because I would have to be at my mom’s at 10 a.m., and I never wanted to leave. You knew my story but you never understood the pain I held and still hold. I even slept over on school nights and catch the bus with you, I enjoyed that extra few minutes with you on the bus. I remember going to Tennessee with you and your family, 14 hours packed in a car never felt so fun. Not once did I get bored on that drive. I also remember you used to have such a fancy birthday party every year, I still own every invitation card you sent me except when you turned 18 years old and I was dis-invited.
We used to have many fights over things that just seem so trivial now. Maturity brings understanding that there is only so much time and we, I felt, wasted a lot of our friendship by the small things. During these fights, we would pass each other in the hall as if we never knew one another until I would give in and apologize every time because I just wanted to talk to you again. In class when we weren’t in a middle of a fight, we would pass notes during movies and try so hard to not laugh out loud about the inside jokes written. In those moments, I don’t feel I cherished them as much as I should have because now that they’re gone, I only wish to go back to them.
I want to reignite the fire of innocence in my soul and go back to the times and moments that I took for granted, at that time, I never thought it would end but now I have realized in life that everything ends and nothing stays the same. I have always struggled with change but even I have changed, just by understanding that everything changes is a change in me. A few years ago I would have never have been able to admit that so I know change exists. I miss all of who we used to be, we talk now but we will never be the way we were and I guess I still need time to accept that. I will force myself to just think of the good times and know that our lives have just gone in different directions. I will focus on the fact that I still had the chance to enter your life and how beautiful that blessing was.
There re so many memories locked inside my heart that will forever and always give me a feeling no words can explain. I know I used to be more present in your life but I have faded out of your view like a mountain covered by fog. I'm still here, just not visible. Throughout these years, I tried so hard to fix us by picking up the pieces of who we used to be and trying to put them back together. I cut myself every time. All I can say now is, just know I love you so much and through it all, I have only wanted you to be happy. I hope you are.
Love,
Your friend of almost a decade
