Love, in the simplest definition, is defined in the Merriam Webster Dictionary as “a feeling of strong or constant affection for someone." Loving someone at such a young age can be challenging. The first person I truly loved, I met when I was only 18, and looking back on this now, I realize that it was single-handedly the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. In my last article I discussed the highs of my first love and how it was the best thing that ever happened to me. How incredible it was, how happy it made me, and at the end of the day how appreciative I was that it had happened with who it had happened with. But looking back, I don't think that my article painted a realistic picture, not everything is always what it is made out to be. Let's be real here: do you post the photos of when you cried yourself to sleep on Instagram, or do you post the photos of you and your best friend laughing and looking as though you do not have a care in the world? That's what I thought.

But in this open letter, I'm here to show you all that Instagram photo I wouldn't dare post, because everything isn't always smiles and carefree snapshots. I'm so incredibly genuine in everything I'm saying, not an ounce of this open letter is meant to come off as passive aggressive. I truly am thankful for the ups and the downs that I went through because the smiles happen the laughs happen but we mustn't forget that the tears happen and the heartbreak happens.

To my first love,

Thank you for confusing me beyond belief. I had so many days when I wondered why you did the things that you did. For example, why you never fully trusted me. I appreciated being reminded not to do anything stupid, to make smart decisions when going out, and that you were always going to be there. I appreciated the confusion because I have since learned from it. Don't let people beat around the bush. Ask them upfront why they have their trust issues and never let them think that you are doing something wrong when you aren't. Trust yourself, trust your moral compass and trust that the decisions you are making are what is best for you.

Thank you for making mistakes. No one is perfect. Thank you for letting me make mistakes too, and thank you for giving me the opportunity to man up and learn from my mistakes. Thank you for allowing me to feel what guilt feels like to the extreme, thank you for allowing me to feel regretful about my mistakes. Thank you for giving me so many opportunities to try and make the best of my poor decisions. I needed to learn how to learn from mistakes. I needed to know what all of these terrible feelings felt like.

Thank you for letting me feel like a second choice. I now know exactly what to avoid looking for in the future. Thank you for choosing a girl you barely knew over me, thank you for trying to convince me that even after making that choice I was still the love of your life, your favorite person. Thank you for teaching me that I cannot ever let someone put me second again.

Thank you for making me feel like you would leave me time and time again. When I needed you the most you didn't even show up. You didn't make me feel better, You just would say "be happy babe, show me that beautiful smile". Thanks for that because I now know what I need. I need someone to hold my hand when I cry and who actually knows how to get me to stop crying.

Thank you for teaching me that love is complicated. I loved you so much, you were my first love and no one can take that away. But you taught me that love is hard, that people will leave you when someone else comes along, and that I love you really doesn't speak as loud as actions do. Thank you for showing me all of the things that I do and don't want in a romantic partner.

And lastly, thank you for eventually letting me go. Thank you for being my first heartbreak. I needed to have met you when I did and I needed it to end the way that it did. I learned so much from you and our time together as well apart, things that I never would've learned without you. I'm still so appreciative that were my first love, but surely you will not be my last- now I know exactly what to look for and I could not be more grateful that things happened the way that they did. I hope that you are doing well, I wish you nothing but the best