Dear 15-year-old me,
I wish you had known what I know now, five years later, just after exiting my teen years and entering my 20s. It could have saved you a lot of time, but you know what they say about hindsight.
The boy you're dating now isn't the person you marry, and thank God for that. I know. That's probably shocking to read, right? Because right now, you think he's the one. He's perfect, even though he kind of treats you like shit. Actually, that sums up the majority of your boyfriends throughout high school. A lot of people don't have your best interests at heart, and the sooner you learn that the better.
High school isn't going to be the best part of your life, or really of most people's lives. In fact, it kind of just sucks slightly less than middle school. Most people don't peak in high school, especially not you, and believe me when I say that that's a good thing. Speaking of, 15 is the year you will realize that it's really not normal or healthy to be so sad all the time, or have panic attacks at night, or want to harm yourself. You have depression. You need to get help as soon as possible. There's never any shame in asking for help. I know you have a lot of pride, but you need to get over that, too. It's okay to be less than perfect, and everyone else is trying just as hard as you to seem like they are.
I know it feels like you keep falling deeper into a large empty pit, and that every time you feel like you're close to crawling out something knocks you back down again. This feeling will pass, and you do eventually get out. Everything gets better when you're out of high school. It's just four short years of your life, which feels like forever, but it's really not enough time at all. The older you get, the faster time will seem to go. Hold on to the good moments, and the bad. Stretch them out as long as you can, because soon enough, they'll be faded memories. Stop being in a hurry to drive, or for summer or to graduate. Yes, high school sucks. You won't have the friends you have now forever. High school is a temporary place, and you'll never get to do it again, so slow down and enjoy it.
I promise you, you will eventually find your voice and figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life. You will find a way to be loud and stand up for what you believe in. You deserve to be heard. You will find yourself in more leadership positions, and it's not a coincidence. You're good at leading people. Stand up for yourself. Hold onto your values. Remember that you are important and smart and just as worthy of love and respect as everyone else. Don't let people step on you.
And for God's sake, change your hairstyle. Bangs are not a good look for you.
With Love,
You at 20
