15 years ago, the summer of 2001, my mom called me in Haiti, where I'd been spending the last three months, to tell me that she was pregnant and it was a boy. I was so excited to have a sibling! To no longer be an only child, to be a big sister.

I came back to the states, and there's no baby brother. I asked my mom and she explained to me that she had a miscarriage, which meant the baby died in her tummy. I was so crushed to hear this news. I was so excited to be a big sister and have someone to play with and teach things. He would've been my baby brother and no one else's.

I still think about him all the time. I think of how different my life would be if he had survived pregnancy. Would I have had all the things I have now? Would I have had the opportunity to go to college out of state? I think of this all the time and I truly have no idea how those questions would've been answered. If he were to make it to full term, he would be a handsome 15 year old boy. I think about him all the time. I don't know what your name would have been, but I think of you everyday. I just want you to know that I looked forward to being your big sister. I couldn't wait to come back to America to hold you in my arms, kiss your little head, and tell you how much I love you. I wanted to tell everyone at school that I had a baby brother. I wanted to show you how to crawl, be there when you took your first steps, hear your first words, play games together, and argue over stupid stuff like what to watch on tv. People watch together and say funny things in creole. The possibility of what life would be like if you were around are endless. I love you so much baby brother, even though you're not here physically. You'll always be in my heart. Until we meet again, ti frere.

Love your big sister,

Guerslande