I never thought I would be the player on crutches. I never thought I would need physical therapy or a bulky brace. I believed I could never be a girl on the sidelines. That I was invincible. But now, I have experienced all these things and I know how much it truly sucks.

I played volleyball and softball most my life and never was injured. I’ve had teammates tear their ACL or MCL. Girls have broken arms and legs playing the sports that they love. My first semester of college I dislocated my knee playing ultimate frisbee, my new passion. I remember seeing my kneecap on the side of my leg. I remember my captain running for a trainer and my two best friends holding my hand while I was in the most pain I have experienced in my entire life. God bless the guys on our other team who carried me off the field and the parents who gave me painkillers to stop me from crying.

When you are a competitive athlete sports are what you revolve your life around. I had just lost one of my favorite things to do in life, playing ultimate. After I got back to my university my mom took me into the doctors to get X-rays and see what the damage was. I remember crying after my first appointment because I was angry that I couldn’t even walk. Also because it was the beginning of season and all I wanted to do was be playing on the fields not sit on on the sideline.

Once I could walk, I went to physical therapy three times a week for two months. I never knew how mentally tough it was to go through this process. Physical therapy was some kind of joke since I had never experienced it before. I walked in confident, thinking I would be back to normal, but I was not even close. My first session I couldn’t even lift my leg off the table.I have never been so pissed off in my entire life. I progressed into simple exercises and then worked on gaining the muscle I had lost due to me not walking for a month. Through the help of my trainer I was cleared to play in the Los Angeles tournament over winter break. However, I couldn’t perform at full speed so I had to sit out a lot.

Today I still can’t physically give 100 percent at practice since my knee gives out at random times. The scar tissue around my knee is painful. My coach and teammates always worry if I am in pain or can handle a drill. I have a strong pain tolerance so I have been crying in pain on a field and my best friend had to tell my coach to take me out since I refused to walk off the field. The dedication of any athlete is unbelievable.

I never knew how hard it truly was to sit on the sideline of a game or physical therapy. The hardest part of this process was to not have a mental breakdown everyday. I still get angry that I can’t make the cuts I need to or sprint as hard as I can without eating the ground. But the thing I get so upset about is I miss being able to be pushed by my coaches and teammates. I miss the practice that I was out of breath and my knee wasn't the reason I was hurting at practice. I miss my legs feeling like jello after practice and my feet aching after tournaments. All I want to do is be an athlete again.

Being an injured athlete has been the hardest part of my freshmen year. I miss the game of ultimate. Coaches will tell me to take it slow and work on one thing at a time, which I do. I will be 100 percent again. You just have to keep saying it until it becomes true. I just can’t wait for the day to play again and not have my injury define me on the field. So, to all those athletes who have or are injured, I understand how frustrated you are. And to all the ones who haven't experienced this yet, I hope you never have to.

Best wishes,

The girl who thought she was invincible.