Dear Freshman Year Me,
Relationships in college have become a grey area. Going out has replaced going on dates, and frat parties are where we spend the majority of our weekends. Based on our new social settings, most women in college have accepted the casual hook-up culture.
We are in a new era where nobody wants to be the first one to show they care, and "defining the relationship" sends your significant other running. Hiding your feelings has become the social norm and everyone pretends they don't care. From one girl that hid her feelings to another, save yourself some heartache. Know you're worth so much more that what some men will make you out to be. Re-wire the way you exist in this seemingly perfect world, stay on your toes, and always go with what's best for you.
I wish I could change some of the choices I made in men. Don't settle for a casual relationship with a man you want to make yours. If he doesn't want all of you, then move on. Hiding your feelings won't help you progress in a relationship. If you are in a casual relationship just know that having feelings for someone you're with with does not make you crazy. Developing feelings is normal, even if you're just "hooking up". Chivalry may be dead, but so is the act of expressing our feelings. Don't ever be be afraid to say how you feel and never let someone call you crazy because you cared and your feelings began to show.
Be more careful with the men you choose to invest your time in. Trust your gut. If he tells you he likes you but isn't ready for a relationship, drop him. He's just using you. Also watch out for any guy that acquires collections of women he can call on a whim and stay away from them. You can't change a player. He'll only hurt you.
If he constantly makes excuses for his wrongdoings by redirecting the blame towards you, he's not really sorry. Watch out for him saying things like, "I'm sorry, but you did this too." He's just trying to make his faults look small.
If you're trying to make plans with a guy and he isn't reciprocating, he's not busy. You're just not a priority. Don't get stuck in a one-sided relationship. Him not trying or not replying to your texts will eventually get to your head and impact you negatively, so protect yourself early on and get rid of him. You deserve someone that wants to spend time with you and genuinely wants to get to know you.
Don't be naive. Most girls in college are trying to find a good guy but get stuck in a crowd of frat boys and men with commitment issues. No matter how hot he is, or what fraternity he's in, if he's not a genuinely good person he isn't worth any of your precious time. Girls nowadays are so infatuated with the idea of a certain guy that they settle with being a "side chick", then become surprised when they don't get wined and dined. Always remember that nobody wants the cow if they can get the milk for free.
Beware of red flags. You can easily detect many attributes of a man by what he tells you about his personal life. Take everything he says with a grain of salt, especially if you've heard nasty things about him through the grapevine. If he cheated on his past girlfriend, he'll probably cheat on you. Follow your intuition. Don't let a relationship drag just because you're blinded by how perfect the idea of that person is or their social status.
So its as simple as this: you're either looking for something serious or your not, so be upfront about it. Do yourself a favor and be sure of yourself in all your decisions. Sure, we all want what we can't have, but don't get stuck wanting someone that doesn't want you back. Be your own plus one, don't take any man's lame excuses and always keep your head up. Move on and find someone new, I promise they're out there.
With Love,
A Wiser Me
