The day after Halloween. For many, a time to recover from the large quantities of candy consumed the night before and un decorate the cob webs and fake spiders strewn all over the windows and ceilings. But for those few, Christmas-aholics, it's a time to string up the garland and blast the Mariah Carey Christmas soundtrack from the mountain tops, disregarding us Halloween lovers mourning the loss of our favorite holiday for an entire year. Rude. Well I have just a few, simple questions for you:
Why? Why, on November 1st do you find it necessary to get all Christmased out? You are an addict, and you have a problem. It has not even been a total of 12 hours since you were blasting Monster Mash in your witch costume and fake broom, and now you're just going to go all Santa's elves on every one? Chill out, girl scout. I have one word for you: November. Does this not mean anything to you? You should be preparing for the great and under appreciated holiday of Thanksgiving for goodness sake, not totally skipping over it to get to Christmas. Thanksgiving gets the short end of the stick every year, and I think it is time to take a stand. Granted there are no Thanksgiving soundtracks, but how about you take down the stocking on your door and hang up a cornucopia for once. Geez, inconsiderate.
Now look, I am no scrooge. I love Christmas and Christmas related festivities, when it's Christmas time. Waking up in a vampire costume with fake blood still dried all over my face while my neighbor is blaring the forsaken Elf album? Not. The. Time. Christmas is like a fine wine, it becomes more tasteful the longer you wait. Starting Christmas at approximately 12:00 AM on November 1st? Now that is just obsessive. It is literally still 75 degrees outside, how could you possibly even be in the Christmas spirit? You are defying laws of gravity that I never even knew existed. You fascinate yet frighten me all at the same time.
So as this Christmas season is approaching (slowly, and I mean very slowly), please be respectful of the time we have left, and remove your finger from the trigger of your garland loaded gun. You have an ample amount of time to start wrapping presents and decorating your tree, do not worry. But, if you just absolutely cannot resist the temptation of the most wonderful time of year, please do not shove any candy canes or ornaments in my face because I might actually explode and kick over the artificial Christmas tree in your dorm (and might I add, feel NO remorse.)
