Assumptions are a dangerous thing. They make truths of mere questions and perceive the unknown as strictly negative. People who "don't like surprises" feel this way because their tendency is toward assuming the worst in cases of uncertainty, which is really not uncommon and is not always irrational. Not Always. But everyone is always assuming they know each other, and because of this we tend to over analyze and hyper inspect the most minute minuscule aspects of any given situation to avoid being incorrect, or taking a stance of inferiority. As a result, we spend a lot of time that could be better focused on literally anything else trying to be perfect.
We avoid feeling lesser like the plague, and we do everything in our power to save face for fear of unknown consequences that always end exponentially worse in our rampant minds than they ever have any potential to end in reality. Plus, the fears we host to begin with are wildly superficial and leave many of us feeling the need to dedicate obscene amounts of time and energy trying to front a careful and calculated version of ourselves to the public. We've all been there and it's fucking exhausting. It's backwards - we know people will assume and presume and more importantly misassume, and with that knowledge rather than just weed out the individuals who just don't share a frame of mind with us, we spend our time trying to convince people to like us instead of finding people who like us as is.
What would happen, though, if we decided to turn that entire frame of mind on it's own ass? How would the world react if we all decided to throw caution to the wind and actually relay the most honest internal versions of ourselves to the public? Imagine leaving everything that's ever been on your phone and your ENTIRE search history open on a public forum. Yeah, it'd be super weird and hella sketchy. But at least we'd all be honest.
I myself totally support the notion that some things are better left unsaid, but it's also really nice to get those things off your chest when they eventually come out. We can't begin to decide who is and isn't good for us until we begin know each other. At the end of the day every metaphorical pot stirred settles eventually, and when everything calms back down you realize the new outcome is how things ought to have been the whole time.
This life is too short to hang around for someone you don't matter to, or vice versa, and in that theme there's no time for withheld information. We shouldn't be afraid of honesty. If you don't have kindness in your heart to share with someone, don't waste their time or energy. Similarly, if the situation is reversed, and you feel you have a forced or affected dynamic with someone, don't waste your time or energy. Both parties involved deserve people who genuinely appreciate their company; this doesn't have anything to do with compatibility or find people with the same priorities as you or any of that- it just has to do with mutual basic respect for one another as human beings.
Take it back to sharing the contents of your phone in their entirety- that's old messages, google app search history, camera roll, notes, hell even voice memos, everything; if any given person could go through everything you think, thought, shared publicly or privately, what would they see? What would you want them to see? Those are almost always two different answers, but at the end of the day what matters is not what seems to be, but what is. The parts of ourselves or our personalities which we tweak and cover up for the sake of others are better put to use being set free.
The best move you can make for your own good and/or that of an acquaintance who takes a lot of effort is to acknowledge that the effort is unnecessary. Warning: the following statement is unnervingly sappy and used but very true: your people, the real ones, they come to you when you aren't looking. They come to you when you're just existing, and they're just existing, and your existences happen upon each other and happen to mesh well. Good friends are a happy coincidence, not a forced interaction. Recognize them and appreciate them.
