If you are like me, you have spent most of your life surrounded by wonderful people who are full of life and grace. You have learned to love better, stronger, and more than you ever could have without the incredible people you have had the opportunity to know. But, if you have been blessed enough to know people like these—the ones who know you through and through and are able to brighten your day without effort—you know how difficult it is when you are faced with the confrontation of a toxic person.
Like the Grinch's heart when he is exposed to ceaseless cheer, it seems my capacity to love grows three sizes when I am surrounded by people who are happy, bubbly and encouraging in every circumstance. It's impossible for me to wear a frown for long or allow my negative circumstances to bring me down from the weightless feeling of joy I possess. The people who allow me to feel this way engage in a two-way relationship of mutual respect and care, they show genuine interest in my life and well-being, and they pour into me, expecting nothing in return.
The opposite is true of the toxic relationships I fall into. They begin just as any other friendship, but in the end they leave me with a void that is difficult to fill. Rather than pouring into my life, they leave me drained. These people do not show genuine interest in my life or well-being. They desire only for me to pour encouragement into them and listen to their struggles. And, because of the way I have been brought up and the amazing people I have been so blessed to know, I have learned to do just that.
I absolutely love people, and I desire to bring them the same joy I get from friends and family who know how to love. So, I love, I listen, and I do my very best to help. But, time after time, I find that—with toxic relationships—no amount of effort on my part helps to change their perspective and bring joy into their lives. When I am hurting, they will not know how to provide the care I need. They will not leave me feeling renewed or instill joy in my heart.
After several experiences with toxic friendships, I have learned that there is really only one solution: at some point, you have to walk away. Maybe for just a week, maybe for a year, or maybe forever. That's for you to decide. But, regardless of time, you have to take a step back from toxic friendships and, instead, surround yourself with people who will love you and pour into you. People who encourage you to grow and will grow alongside you.
Stepping back from toxic friendships is not "mean" or "wrong." It is the most healthy option for you, and it is the best thing you can do for them. During your time apart, you will both experience opportunities for growth, and, hopefully, you will both take advantage of them. You will grow and change and become different people. In some cases, that will allow you to come back together and be closer than ever before. In others, you will learn you simply aren't meant to be friends. And that's okay. We must love every person in our path, but sometimes the way to do that is by giving them the space to thrive apart from us. If you are currently in (or find yourself in) a toxic relationship, I urge you to take a step back and find healing in the beautiful relationships you have been given.
