You went from being a monster in the closet, to being the shadow around the corner, to being the flaws I see in the mirror, the fear of not being good enough, not wanting to say the wrong the thing at the wrong time or saying the right thing at the wrong time. You went from being so trivial to being so controlling. Mom and dad used to be able to make you go away by checking the closet, or I could make you go away by sleeping with the light on, but I do not know how to control you now. But as I grew, you turned into things that weren't so easily controllable.
Growing up, I never thought that I would let you control me, and yet here I am, plagued by your constant nagging voice in my head telling me that I am too fat, that I am ugly, that everyone is looking at the same flaws I am every time I look in the mirror and that no matter what I will never be good enough. But I am sick of listening to you. I do not want to hear you anymore, I do not want to be under your powerful control anymore.
You may have control right now and you may gain control every now and again, but I am taking control back into my own hands. It is my life and I get to decide how to live it, no one else does, especially you. It is easier said than done, I know that.
I have tried to take back control so many times before with little success, but then you always seem to manage to come creeping back and steal it away again. It is like I do not even realize you are doing it until it is too late. Well, this time, I want things to be different. I want to be stronger, I want to be able to hold my own, I want to keep you at bay. I know that it is almost inevitable that you are going to come back but if/when you do, I want to fight you off even stronger than ever before.
The relationship we have has been a rough one. You seem to really like me, but if we are being honest, I really do not feel the same way. It is the most unhealthy relationship there is: you destroy me,and I hate you. I think it is time that we go our separate ways.
