Last night my moon pull my tide, with heartstrings pulled taught, my soul swelled with grief. Crashing among the waves, Gravity called my name, but earth was a million galaxies away. My reflection stared back at me, rippling among the stars, I watched my body float away. A rip tide drowning the broken and weary, an empty shell in a watery grave. Gravity called my name, but earth was a million galaxies away.
There is nowhere to hide, not entirely. Grief wraps itself over you like red thread, tourniquet noose, says give me your neck. I could hold you forever.
This ode is not in this lifetime, but in the next. And in that lifetime, the Milky Way pours itself into the Big Dipper for drinking. You can get so drunk like this, and the whole sky just laughs.
Say the ocean will catch the come down. Say Gravity is forgiving. Say it doesn’t hurt. Say the tides are infinite. Say this grief isn’t. Say my stars will align, and not like the Big Dipper which will float empty in the sky. More like the tide pools, which will always be filled with life. Say I will be filled with light.
Shoot sunbeams through my chest cavity, in the hopes that it will fill the void. This void still hears the echoes of hope among its walls. I am constantly struggling to still hear this echo.
Hear the shiver of my heart beat. Feel the thrum of my pulse. Feel alive. Feel the grief, and the anguish, and the sorrow.
I live, and the whole sky laughs, and I remember:
There are people who look up and wonder how much of what they are seeing is already dead. There are people who look up and see God. Last night i looked up and saw myself. I wonder who else sees me. I wonder who else sees themselves, and feels God. I wonder who else knows, that we are God. That inside the cracks and crevasses something greater, holier, lives inside of us. That we are divine.
I am divine.
This morning I felt the moon pull my tide. I felt sunbeams on my cheeks I felt a million galaxies inside me. I felt the holy. I felt the imperfection. I heard this shout of hope.
Like shooting stars, I wished on the twinkle in my eye. The ocean inside of me crashed onto my shores. No longer stranded, I swam in the depths of my soul.
I will give you my life vest. I am waiting, treading water. Meet me in the wake of grief, of forgiveness, of peace. Let the current wash us to shore. Stand tall against the waves, do you see the lighthouse calling you home?
