"I never want to be the kind of Christian who portrays themselves as perfect. I have flaws and struggles; that's why I need Jesus" -Unknown
I have a confession to make: I am not a perfect Christian. No one is perfect, but I know for a fact that I am not a perfect person, nor a perfect Christian for that matter. I grew up in the church, and I love God. But there are days where it may not seem like it. I have had days where I haven't felt like going to church, or haven't felt like opening my bible even though I know I need to. I continue to struggle with being a "perfect Christian"; it's hard because I am pretty sure it is impossible. In the past years, I have doubted my faith in God more than I can count. Things happen, and I often feel like God is not there. I push God away because I am afraid, and I am not perfect. I struggled to understand why a perfect God could lead me into so much pain, and not stop it. I am not a perfect Christian, but I continue to live my life in a way that Jesus is shown. I want to be able to follow in His footsteps in every way I can.
I am not a perfect Christian. I make mistakes, but my mistakes don't make me any less Christian. God loves me no matter what mistakes I make. I know that there are some things that I have done that do not portray my love for God, but those mistakes don't make me any less of a Christian. God loves me for who I am and has grace and mercy for me when I make a mistake. His grace for us is unending, and enough to cover any mess up no matter how big or small. Grace means that all of my mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame.
I am perfect in God's eyes. That is what matters to me. God's view of me doesn't depend on how often I pray, or how often I go to church. I am actually really bad at praying. Praying is hard in my opinion. I never know the right way to say a prayer without it sounding rehearsed. I am still learning how to pray, and I have been a Christian for 19 years. That makes me a not so perfect Christian and that's okay. I know God hears my little broken prayers when I send them to Him.
I am not a perfect Christian, and that's okay because God never wanted me to be perfect. Jesus was perfect, and as Christians we are supposed to walk in His ways, but we are only human, and as a human, it is nearly impossible to be perfect. We need to embrace our imperfections and all of our weaknesses and give them to God. You do not have to be a perfect Christian for God to shine through you, He uses imperfect people to do His work in this world.
So no, I am not a perfect Christian, and I never will be but that is okay.
I am not a Christian because I am strong and have it all together. I am a Christian because I am weak and admit that I need a savior.